The Real Rx

October 15, 2012

It’s been a long time since I have blogged any information to my site. It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s more like the opposite. There are many things I will get into later but this is post is about doctor visits…again.

The last time I made a entry about doctor’s visits it wasn’t pleasant. By the way, I cannot believe Serenity Health had the nerve to stand behind a health-walk for the city but I guess when you nickel-and-dime your patients for everything you can pay for anything. However, this is a totally new topic for doctors. Men need to know the doctors and practitioners who give care to their wives and, especially, delivering their baby.

My wife’s doctor is wonderful for a lot of reasons. One of the best qualities he has is the best bedside manner I had seen in my life. He really reminds me of Heathcliff Huxtable from the Cosby Show, played by Bill Cosby. The first time I met him he came through the door, acknowledged my wife and shook my hand. His hand shake was perfectly balanced. Not too firm but not to soft.

Because his office was slammed during the time of us finding we were expecting, my wife had to go to Serenity. Enough said there. But he was sad to hear of our bad experience with them and tried his best to give us comfort. He ordered a 3D Ultrasound for her just to make sure nothing is wrong from the previous doctor’s order and we can start a clean slate from here. I say, “we” because we are in this together, although, she has the final say for her care.

“Before we left he dazzled me again and make me a fan of his until I die. Before you order the ultrasound, call your insurance company and see how much it will cost you for the hospital(s) of your choosing for the best price.”

I never heard that before and I never would have thought of that. One of the biggest reasons that men don’t go to the doctor, other than to hear bad news, is the cost. I would have gone more frequently with that kind of information.

Fast forward, the visit last week had me on cloud nine because I missed the previous visit and the doctor missed me showing up. I’m not his damn patient and somehow he enjoyed me enough to notice I was gone. The reason was I started working again (info TBA) and I didn’t think it would matter.

I showed up and he gave me the responsibility to make sure I gave the nurses her medical records while informing us not to call him when her water breaks or have to use the 5-1-1 rule, but go to the hospital instead. I took the doctor’s orders and packed it in my hospital bag.

Today, his office rubbed me the wrong way. I had to leave work an hour early to make the appointment I was geared for. When I go with her, she goes behind the door and gives a urine sample while I go to the waiting room in the back. There is usually court shows on but I tend to block them out because we are usually in and out within 25 minutes.

Unfortunately, I watch a whole episode of Judge Joe Brown and I am hot! I could have stayed at work for this! Not only did we wait, someone came in behind us and was out the door before we stepped foot inside an exam room.

When the doctor came in I said nothing. He basically greeted the room and felt my discomfort. He melted me over after for not only apologizing, but explaining that he was simply teaching and it takes time to teach the right way. If he spent time to spawn another him, I’m all for it.

Finding a good doctor is hard to find. I think it is harder to find a doctor who is in your corner. One of the first thing he explained to my wife and I is that he doesn’t want our money. That is for the insurance companies. He wants his patients to live and not worry about the burden of going into debt for their health. The best thing anyone can give me is the gift of free. Any kind of free will do, but this hits closer to home.  All I can say was best money not spent.

More content coming ASAP!

GOD BLESS

100% is too much

When you look on the news and the report is 66% humidity or 45% of votes you already conditioned your brain to scale the numbers on a 100% scale. What you never really see is 100% being reported on any subject. Why is that?

100% can mean perfection or disaster. It can mean full satisfaction or total disappointment. I used to listen to a lot of rap when I was a teen and now I don't understand 100% anymore. A lot rap now mentions full commitment, full determination and full attitude.

The term I hear from rap and it followers is "keep it 100."

You ever meet anyone who kept it real? Someone who like to tell what they think all the time? They are keeping it 100 while, in the midst of their personal success, become a jerk in the process. I realize now that going 100% can lead to a life of disasters. Even with God. People always think they are giving 100% to the God they serve but what they don't realize is the humanity in all of us that will never make them full Christians, Muslims, Jews or all of the rest.

How much are we allowed to love?

I love my wife more than what people would like to know and care about. Because I am a romantic, I have always felt this way because she gave me the chance to give her affection while others erected emotional barriers. Until a couple of days ago, I have given her 100% of my energy, love and devotion.

I stopped giving her that percentage for great reasons.

I have a son on the way. Who can be a 100% husband when you have a child who needs care and affection? I can't put that much energy into my wife anymore. Now there a 50/50 I have to split into. But I have a job too. So, I have to concentrate on that, right?? I got to put at least 45% at work and if you put more than 45% you need a new job or slow your role. You will never get that promotion because if you work 100 they will keep you there for fear that the numbers will fall.

I have to be a son and make sure my parents are alright. Sometimes I wish it was 5% of myself devoted to them but you know that they always want more. There is one person that I never gave 100% to in a long time and this person deserves a big increase.

I never put 100% in myself.

For years I have always put my time and energy in those around me and never got to give myself any time or attention. My son is on the way and I would have for his role model to have self doubt or personal growth. He needs to know about taking time to smell the roses and to follow his dreams instead of keeping someone's lost dream alive.

Everyone needs a balance. If you're stressed out or going through things you are not balanced. I'm also not inferring that it is your fault but the truth is something is off in your life. Whatever it takes to maintain stability make that be the only thing that you give 100%.

Because everything else is too much

Doctor's Steal and Get Away For It

A year ago, I was a groupie for my wife's job. Every function that was open to others, I attended knowing I was going to have a good time. The Florissant Fall Festival was a fun event I covered while my wife worked the booth. I came across a table with black women in doctor coats. I was turned on by the Serenity Healthcare. It was an all African-American women OB/GYN doctor's office.

My wife is African-American and thought it would be nice for her to have a doctor who could relate.

Boy was I wrong.

At first, it started out well. She was able to get in and out in a jiffy and she started to feel welcome. I wonder if that was a welcome cycle that would turn south after a couple of visits. As she progress into the pregnancy we noticed something odd. We started to get billed for our deductible in high doses at a time, along with separate charges for ultrasounds and other procedures. We assumed that was what our deductible covered so we decided to call our insurance provider for information.

This was not the news we wanted to hear.

Our provider informed us that some offices charge for the birth upfront and so we would have pick up a check, given by the the insurance company, to give to the hospital after the baby is born.

There's more.

We were informed by her co-worker, who is a patient at Serenity, that the doctors charge for extra and unnecessary ultrasounds to make extra profit. Now that we caught wind to all of this we have decided to move on to her older doctor.

More trouble.

After asking for her charts to be transferred to another office the receptionist mentions that they charge to transfer charts!

WTF!?!?!?

My wife asked for them to just give the charts to her. They STILL CHARGE THE SAME for both options. A 20$ flat fee is applied PLUS $.50 per PAGE!!!!

WTF!?!?!?!?!

We have not parted ways from Serenity but we will soon. I just can't believe what used to be a free service to patients are now a way to keep you as a patient. I feel like doctor's offices are turning into cell phone service contracts. To leave, you have to pay a penalty and there is no way around it.

Is this a new HIPPA law? Is this a loophole around "Obamacare?" Is this a criminal act?

Both our mothers work in the health industry and they have never heard of such insanity in their long careers.

This may be a tangent but it is surely a wake-up call to all of my readers.

Before you become a patient at a new office ask about their policies on transferring your medical records. This trend might be a new mandate in the future. I'm not calling for people to talk to their Senators or Representatives but I will say be aware of you doctor.

It's kind of hard to save for a baby when you are trampled with medical bills flying left and right. It has put us in a temporary bind that Dr. Huxtable would never put us in.

At this point, I'd rather have Dr. Kevorkian take me now. At least he wouldn't steal from me. He would just put me to sleep and rid me from Dr. Grief.

Kung FU BABY!!!!

I was watching netflix and came across Ralphie May, a comedian, performing his stand-up special. He started a bit about making love to his pregnant wife with his unborn son being apart of the action. Well, not intentionally. He looked down at her stomach and seen the baby do the "Mummy sandstorm routine." That's when the baby runs his face across the belly and open his mouth like a monster trying to get out. This maybe the wost intro ever, but this is about the first time I felt the baby kick.

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with sex. You weirdos. You know who you are.

He's my kung fu baby. That is the only way I can describe it. For the last two weeks my wife has been preaching about Robert Jr. moving inside and I never get any proof. I would lay my hand on her belly and he automatically turns into NINJA BABY! He hides in the shadows of the womb without a trace.

Baby Vanish!

He returns when I am at my weakest state. Bedtime. My wife tells me he like to move around and kick around midnight, which is her usual sleeping time. He has kept her up in recent nights but I have plans to put him to rest.

One evening on the couch my wife, suddenly, grabs my hands to her stomach.

Baby vs. Daddy

I place my hand on her stomach and baby lands as right kick to my hand. He kicked so hard I saw one foot and five toes!
Baby Wins! Flawless Victory.

I have seen it in movies and heard stories but nothing comes close to feeling your first baby's kick. It was amazing to verify that my wife wasn't crazy and feel the little guy move around. Also, I know that this is only the beginning and there will be more kicking involved. I feel like after a few weeks he will master womb-kwan-do and we will spar again.

I have won two battles so far. He began to move one night and I put my face towards my wife's belly with two hand in a deep voice.

"HEY, GO TO SLEEP!!!"

No more moving for the rest of the night. I guess Future Daddy's still got it.

Baby Ultrasound Creates Picture Perfect Happiness

One thing a father can count on is knowing that sooner or later you will find out what you are having. But, what others can expect from a expecting father is that we want to know the sex of the baby.

In most cases, according to the books I have read, men would like to have a son on the first try. This is so common that even first time mothers want to give their guy a son. I was no different to the studies.

Up until the ultrasound, I had it set I my mind I KNEW it was going to be a girl. My mother had given my brothers and I the “curse.”

I know it may sound harsh but she has made adjustments in the family baby factories.

When we were kids, if she said something when we were kids it came to pass as adults.

“You’re going to learn to turn off lights when you get to pay the bills,” she said. Now, You would be lucky any light is on when it gets dark.

“You’re going to have girls when you get families.” We didn’t think that was going to happen either.

Going into the doctor’s office was no walk in the park. During work, I could barely keep my hands from trembling so I was very nervous. When we walked in the placed was very packed. I have gone before and there was usually no one except us. When we sat down we had to be ignored by loudmouths.

Now we all know that when you are in a doctor’s office you use your “inside voice”. As I looked around I see a little girl sitting by her parents sitting quietly on her best behavior. It was shocking to see the difference between a child and two adults’ behavior. Normally, I would just go off in the doctors’ office but decided not to. I did not want to be asked to leave before seeing this ultrasound.

We finally enter the room and I noticed that it was really dark. The technician (for lack of a better word) started the process and I was glued to the screen. She showed the back and the head which made me get antsy. “This is a girl. I knew it,” was the thought in my head. She even gave a pick from the bottom of the feet looking up.

There still was no evidence of the sex.

And then everything changed. We saw a member.

“There’s a little penis!”

Instantly, I put my head in my hands and the tears came out without any tingling from the nose or face. I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t help myself. When we entered the lobby you would have thought someone died. My eyes were bloodshot red and I had to run into a bathroom to get my self together.

I have a SON.

I always wanted a son. I have always wanted a son because I know that is what I was made to do. In my life, I never really get what I want. To be honest, I tried to buy a Playstation 3 since it released and I cried when my wife gave it to me for Christmas. It is the draining journey and giving up at the moment you get relief. But because I cry it makes me more of a man than those who don’t.

There are things that my father taught me but I have a bigger list for my son. Every minute is crucial and I want to my son to look up and always know that I will always a few steps away. I won’t abandon him. I won’t fail him.

This is why real men speak.

Week 15-18: A Month of Mayhem

I started this blog series thinking I was going to have a lot of time to write and record events within each week of the pregnancy. The stress from the month of May prevented any progress with writing.

Let’s be real for a moment, shall we? Times are HARD!

This was the month I was set on getting things taken care of. I made a dental appointment to get a tooth pulled with other work needed from a 10-year hiatus. I made plans to get temporary bills taken care of and we planned on putting extra money in savings for buying a house.

This list was long but do-able only if you work like you are supposed to. In my line of work, tomorrow is not promised. I only worked a total of 120 hours, unlike most full-time workers who collect 160 or more. Missing a week’s worth of money made our life a living hell and spiraling us into something we never thought was possible for financial responsible Americans: debt.

I know I am not alone in this struggle. I know things happen to all people but this is my life that you are reading and I hope you read this only thinking you understand where I am. The meat of my four weeks was trying to figure out when and how you are going to pay for extra charges when you can barely stay afloat with what you make regularly?

Life is bad and good through tough and light times. This is the summary of my month:

VACATION

We finally went on vacation, something we haven’t done as a couple since spring of 2008. Well, if you count the honeymoon a vacation, I guess since last year. We didn’t go far but finding a groupon to the Lake of the Ozarks was an opportunity we had to take. When we left, we were not in the same position when the groupon was bought but we needed to get away from house hunting, job stress and baby drama. To be fair, the baby went with us. We can call it...... a "Babymoon"

The trip was better than I had expected. I thought I was going to need three jobs by the time I got back home but in total we only spend a couple hundred dollars total. Something was bought for the entertaining dog at home and we both got to watch two movies that were on our radar: The Avengers (YAYY!!!) and What to Expect When You’re Expecting (Oh…).

Honestly, my wife’s choice (What to Expect…) was informative and it released some baby aggression (explained below) that I had for a couple of weeks and made me realize that although my life my change, everything will workout.

HOUSE MEYHAM

We finally found a house that we wanted. It wasn’t the best but it had a lot of things we were looking for and it almost feels like we were settling because the previous houses were not our cup of tea. I wanted to see us with the baby in here so I asked my father to take a look at the place. I can only describe him as the Simon Cowell of house hunting. He basically grilled the place with flaws but also added it wasn’t the worse starter house he had seen. Finally the owner’s were in denial of their home’s worth and our offer was rejected. Also, our realtor was saying and doing things we thought was in the direction for his profit and not in our corner. More added stress….

BILL ME, KILL ME

I finally got dental work done and because we were struggling it was a charge to Visa and I wish it didn’t HAVE to be there but it was great it was there. During one of the days I got to work, I received a distress call from my wife. She said if she didn’t pay her installment right at that moment, they couldn’t schedule her next appointment. I wouldn’t have cared so much if it wasn’t the most important appointment for dads. The next visit was the ultrasound determining the sex of Baby Williams. We made due and paid what we could. Two days later, she finally gets charged for her first ultrasound which was about the same amount of what she just paid. There are more charges that are in the mix and as we try to look towards better times, we didn’t seem to get any relief.

HOPE

When we finally got the total amount of all what was owed, we both had a breakdown. Hers held more water (no pun) because her emotional walls, lately, have started to thin as this happens to expecting moms. My wife is very strong and I was surprised it took this long for her to give into the things around her. My breakdown occurred a couple of days before hers and mine was a typical man’s breakdown. No matter how much she make more or less than I do, a man wants to take care of his family for financial and security reasons. I felt the way things are going I wasn’t doing my job as a husband and father. We finally reached out to people. We called friends for a get together and parents for moral support and we got more than we would never ask for: help. Friends came over for dinner and cards making the weekend stress-free. Our parents are now working on ways to cut their budget to help us out and I wish I can be half as great as my parents. Maybe its because its out of pure love or the simple fact that we don’t ask for too much that they want to help. As children of existing parents, we have shown independence to prove ourselves worthy, I guess. But, hope is on the way.

BABY NEWS

As I mentioned baby aggression I would like to provide a definition. Baby aggression is anger or rage an expecting parent would get when the stress of the time clock winding down and knowing that you won’t be fully prepared for your first child no matter what. Also, the anger can progress when the only information people want from you is how the pregnancy is going.

I get pissed when people assume that my wife is in “bitch mode” as a pregnant woman. She has not shown it once. I wish I had more content to share but she has been normal. If she was to scold me I probably deserved it. She is the same person I married and fell in love with. End of discussion.

The baby is growing and her belly is getting big. She must be losing personal weight while the baby is getting bigger. My wife had complained about her weight and I was there for her but I can honestly say her figure is getting slimmer compared to most pregnant women….like Jessica Simpson.

There are more months to go but she looks great

The baby must not care for breakfast or chocolate but it enjoys ice cream any kind of potato like fries and baked potatoes. My wife has the strength to moderate her cravings so we can never get ice cream for the house, which is a bummer in my book. It getting harder for her to get off the couch and out of bed so I am thinking of something to make that better for her. Every night cocoa butter spread all over to prevent stretch marks and I need to get better at it.

Really, I wish someone told me before I got fat I would have done it after high school.

I have lost at least 10 pounds since the pregnancy due to working with the elements in construction.

In all, life is what it is. If you have a lot of money, you have other issues other than the worries of living check to check. The rest of us have to do what we can. I could be in a darker place but I’m not and need to count the blessings I have. My wife is fantastic and the Baby Williams is healthy so far. Family is what truly matters when you become a parent no matter how old your children get. Rather they are 800 miles away or 8 feet in the next bedroom you will never stop caring about them. I go to work focused on coming home the way I left: in one piece. And, when I finally get home, I want to be left alone with my family in one peace.

Week 14: Not Your Average Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day will be a new program for my wife and myself for the rest of our lives. While she is used to giving every year it will be a new experience for her to receive. My focus will change because now I have to be the ultimate son and ultimate husband every year.

For the entire week there hasn’t been any cravings or mood swings. Only a few think I underwrite what goes behind closed doors but there is nothing to report. This pregnancy is not so difficult so far and I want it to stay that way.

The only problems we are facing lately would be the rush to get out of debt.

Construction is a hard pill to swallow because I wasn’t used to being off less than five days a week and because my wife is a super financial saver we have stayed afloat by using ultimate tactics. But just like every household we have bills during bad times. The good news is the concerning bills are temporary.

And this too shall pass.

The realtor has been… a realtor. The first meeting was great but we have to remember: The realtor’s first goal is to make a profit. His second job is to find you a home.

The proof has always been in the pudding.

The stress of work and realtors has put a toll on the relationship but not in a destroying way but it has dissolved spending time with each other even if I am sitting next to her.

Since money was tight and going out was not an option we decided to throw a mother’s day dinner at our house. My mother is the worst for receiving. She decided to have a barbecue at her place and wanted me over. I just dropped by to give her a necklace for being a future grandmother.

The dinner went off great and my wife is picking up and extra fork-full which is the opposite a few weeks ago. The bump is a small one and if we can remember to rub cocoa butter on it we would be better off.

I know this week’s entry has been all over the place and I apologize. This is how my life unfolds. I can’t add or subtract anything or it wouldn’t be my life.

Being a parent sounds hard and looks hard I have so many doubts about how I will perform. This week was one of those times where I am thankful my child isn’t here yet. Hard times are not good times for anyone. The stress and the worrying isn’t healthy for anyone either.

The turn of the week is when I gave honor to the mother’s in my life, especially the one who is expecting because they are doing their best by taking care of her and her child.

The world would be a wasteland if it had not been for mothers. Without wisdom, order and a voice of reason the world would be a living hell. Pimps, drug dealers, womanizers and even dictators have soft spots in their hearts for their mothers (yes, even Hitler and Bin Laden). We gain mothers and we lose mothers during our life and although we lose all them eventually, the love is still there. And we try our best to channel the same love to someone else because we were raised to do it.

Although “da-da” might be my dream for Baby William’s first word I’m almost certain it will be, “ma-ma.”