Truthfully, I wouldn’t be into Valentine’s Day if it had not been for my wife, whom is a fan of holidays.

I always thought of this holiday as a way to rob the public of their savings for next Christmas. All jewelry is for sale but, realistically, what average consumer studies trends of the price of gold and diamonds? It was all a hoax as far as I am concerned until she gave me a reason to cook a woman her favorite lasagna and snuggle up to quirky-teenage vampire romance movies.

Because I truly love my wife, any man who may call me a “wuss” or “chump” has made a terrible mistake of identifying the wrong person.

Somewhere in America on Valentine’s Day, a woman will be at home waiting for her rose or just a simple hug from the man of her dreams. That’s not what she will come receive, even though she is not single.

At 5:37 pm, he comes through the door tired or, in some cases, a smile on his face with nothing in his possession. Although she has been at work also, she had to witness floral arrangements and love notes delivered all day without getting a single candy heart.

She sits on the couch waiting for the best moment of the day but all she hears is silence from the kitchen.

She enters the kitchen to check on her man and then she blacks out.

…………………………

Everything is blurry when she wakes up and only one eye is functional.

The left side of her face is numb and she has the worst headache in the world. As the blurs begin to sharpen, she sees him pacing in a rage as he yells, cursing non-stop. Then, a familiar question comes out of his mouth.

“Do you think I like hitting you?”, he says.

“My steak isn’t cooked and not even a baked potato?!?”

He mounts her and continues to beat her as she screams for mercy all night.
This is probably the worst thing to read around this time of year, I know. Unfortunately, it happens all the time every year.

These are the real “chumps” and “wusses” who abuse their partners physically, emotionally and verbally. Domestic violence occurs more than anyone can imagine.

In 2009, Alec McNaughton and his wife Cathy celebrated their love for each other over breakfast during the Valentine’s Day weekend. All morning, they expressed their appreciation for each other in handwritten notes in those cards. They even exchanged chocolates.

According to the police, within hours, Alec stabbed Cathy at least 31 times and ending her life.

Love is a great thing but you cannot focus on loving someone (or claiming you do) if you do not love yourself. It takes courage and heat for a man to accept his rage.

My last blog was about rage and it may seem that I am a dark person. I don’t agree with that. I heard someone tell a vampire in a movie, “The truth is harder to consume than sunlight”. If that isn’t the truth...

Valentine’s Day is a day made for love. Send it to your mother or father, just to say you contributed. Buying stuff is for the rich and the irresponsible spenders. If you can have a good V-Day without hurting someone or spending money then you had it good.

Hurting someone should be easy but for men, its common to be a challenge. Show someone you love them by getting some help and admitting you have a problem. Saying sorry is a start but it cannot be validated without action in the right direction.

For the creativity part...well, I can’t give out all of my secrets. Comment on this and we can talk.

Be safe and take Valentine’s Day to spread joy like Christmas.

The Monster of Men: Rage

Let’s just say I got on my wife’s bad side last night. I did at the time we never wanted this to happen. It happened right before bed and I was really tired. Have you ever been angry about something and you were extremely tired but you could not fall asleep?

This blog entry is really not about so much of the issue at hand but more of my actions and how men act in these circumstances.

An issue that has been dead, even before our marriage, seemed to surface in my head during my attempt to pass-out. I was angry and I wanted to just destroy something physical to not only justify my thoughts but to make an image of my frustration.
Of course, I did not destroy anything but even thinking about it was wrong and I thought that maybe sharing might help this terrible emotion.

Men have this almost inevitable emotion that we cannot control most of the time. Rage is defined as anger fury or violent anger. If you look it up, it may have more than one definition but all will have, “violence” attached to it.

Why are men so attached to violence, or better yet, why is it easy for men to tap into rage more than women?

Let’s analyze this for a second. Especially in America, men like explosions, gunfights, good guys and well-played villains. But more than all of the action movie ingredients, we get a special adrenaline rush when we see the main character lose something or felt they have reached their boiling point and unleashes a fury on the silver screen. So, the rage we all experience on television programs or in the movies gives us satisfaction and we process in our minds that its ok to explode when we are hurt physical or emotionally.

This doesn’t work so well with female characters because in most cases both men and women will claim this character a “crazy bitch” or say, “she finally snapped.” This only happens because its unusual for women to reach that level of intensity and society makes an exception for men because of testosterone. I think it’s total bull.

As men, we feel more human when we become angry and act like cavemen with the “me-Hulk-smash” mindset. In reality, we not only lose our masculinity but our humanity as well. Rage is nothing more than an acronym in my mind. It means, “Reject All Good Energy”.

Anyone who has felt rage did not possess the same energy as they would as if they were at happy hour after a couple of good drinks with good people. Guys, you don’t feel rage when you see crotch shots on YouTube or AFV. When we laugh, smile and cry we show our true humanity. There is nothing wrong with expressing frustration because it is also a human emotion. We only become pure animals when all human emotions are irrelevant and destruction becomes the only answer.

Anger has been one of the biggest hurdles of my life. My temper, or lack of, has been in shambles ever since childhood. Is there a cure?

Right before I got married I went to the Provident, a council service office to help men with pending cases for domestic or sexual assault in St. Louis. They were the only office that excepted walk-ins and non-offenders. I never assaulted anyone but I felt like I was going to sooner or later and I needed help.

Always remember than there is always someone out there that can beat you at anything you are good at. When I filled out the forms to be seen they had questions on the survey that I almost scared me straight. It was in the format of ,”Strongly agree to strongly disagree” and you filled the bubble according to your reaction to the statement. Here were some of the questions:

“My wife deserves a beating if my dinner isn’t cooked when I come home.”
(Uhhh……..strongly disagree)
“When I walk into the bar, all the women in sight wants to please me orally.”
(WTF?)
“It turns me on how my daughter looks at me when we are at the dinner table”
(This is just sick)

Of course, most of the statements were “strongly disagree” for me accept any statement concerning rage and I completed the form to seek help. After a session with a social worker, I was able to answer some long time questions of my own.

First, he thanked me for coming in to talk to someone and that I am normal. He said, “We all get angry and we need to figure out why. Just talking to a complete stranger can prevent violent acts to our loved ones and to ourselves.”

Second, he suggested a book that I have not purchased yet but tax season is coming up and I think I can spare 25 dollars. The book is called The Angry Book by Dr. Theosdore Issac Rubin. It provides root causes for anger and how to release it and become healthy.

Finallly, I had to tell the people who made me angry and the reasons behind it. Most of the people on my list were warm and very understanding. They knew I had stored emotion and I used anger to hide it. Some were not and believed I mentally made up events and distorted the truth. I became annoyed by it but we all are guilty of not remembering a moment in time when it was important to someone else.

Rage is negative energy that can drain even the most powerful men in the world. President Barrack Obama used to have dark hair as a presidential candidate. Four-years later and the same man has almost more salt to pepper head of hair. I know my president has exploded behind closed doors and when the cameras stopped rolling.

I am 27 years old and I would like to keep my dark hair for years to come without a dye. And because I lost what I had gained before last night I have some words to my wife, whom may or may not read this entry:

My beloved,

Although I may forget show it everyday, I try my best to tell you I love you as much as I can. I will never forget how you saved my life more than once from myself. Although I am not a perfect human, I hope that one day I can be the perfect man for you. I wish there was another way to say I am sorry since I believe I say it more than I tell you how you make me happy. I lost last night but I am not beaten as I will rise as a better person and a better husband. It is a new day and a new opportunity to show I have more light than dark and you made that light for me to shine. I love you.

Brain Food: Why Not To Indulge In Fads

It would seem to me that we are what we eat. The things that a human can consume or can go without is extraordinary.

Ever since I was very young, I wouldn’t get involved in conversation but analyze the person speaking and how they view the world. When my brothers would play I would sit under the table and listen to “grown folk conversation”. To be seen and not heard was a good policy in my book because I could get an insight on adults and what did life have to offer.

I remember my aunt complaining about how her insurance premium going up and without a co-pay. My grandmother would reflect on church how “Sister” Miller sat next to her in church and how the pastor moved them. These episodes are branded into my memory and when life presents itself, I have the knowledge to indulge or reject opportunities that can help or hurt me.

This goes to say that giving in to the social fads are not my thing. In the 90’s I was not into stonewash jeans and, later, baggy jeans. I never had a Mohawk, dreadlocks or the flashy “Bieber” hairstyle. I chose to stick to the general modern man look. It is very simple to stick to the modern man look. Here are the ingredients:

• Crisp, clean and groomed face
• No visible tattoos
• Low trimmed but timeless haircut
• Loose fitting sweats
• Fitted Jeans and slacks with room.
• Sneakers (Pedicure toes with sandals in the summer)
• Clean fragrances for the body
• Decent speaking English
• Etiquette

The ingredients of the modern man have no room for face piercings or tattoos on the neck. It has no tolerance for messy dreadlocks, Mohawks or any other ridiculous hair-dos.

It is unacceptable to present one self in a matter of taboo extremism and expect a fair shake. And what is up with men wearing non-prescription glasses? Are we trying to look smart but we lack the brain capacity and use props to substitute?

I was told that I judge because I am ignorant but I am not. If you are ignorant, you lack the knowledge on the subject of discussion. What I do not comprehend is this social pressure telling everyone we have to make a statement to stand out. WHY?

I believe that classics are timeless. If you watch any film from the 50’s to the present day, you will see that the shirt and tie are timeless. It is classic because no matter what happens in trends or historical events, they are around to prove that professionalism never dies.

There will never be a major CEO or President that looks like Lil’ Wayne or Jesse James. Never in congress will you see a Presidential candidate look anything but a Presidential candidate. I question my generation on whether they determine self-image for their peers or for themselves?

People who may feel artistic might view me as a hater. I get that a lot. I hear it on the radio and I advise everyone to look at me now as the poster child for haters around the globe. What is “hating” by the way?

“Hate” is a very strong and intense word. It means, ”to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward” the subject. If I disagree with how people act or dress they assume I am “hating on them.”

I don’t hate anyone but I do hate the fact that they made poor choices of character, peers, fashion, self-images, decisions and views of cultures they do not understand. If you read this and you knew me then (or know me now) you should know that I stay true to my beliefs and that I put logic to most of my convictions.

I sleep relatively great every night. I only lose sleep when I am unemployed because, as a man, I have to obligation to take care of myself and, like my wife, those who depend on me. There is a reason for my great sleep.

I have a clear conscience when I go to bed every night. It is an experience most cannot share. Most of the decisions I made in life I am glad I made. The only regrets I have are a few relationships glitches, not working harder in high school to get into a four-year university and finish school. That’s about it.

People that I “hate” on have more issues and more clutter in the beds they make for themselves. I’m not surprised at their fashion decisions because of the skeletons in their closets or how did they manage it all with the monkeys on their back. And even though we are what we eat, the question is, will your conscience eat you until there is nothing left?

Food for thought, pun intended.

Following for Too Long

Leadership, is vital if you are trying to be someone important. You have to be able to control your group and do it well. I think I am ready.

My father did his best to make sure my brothers and I would be well-rounded men. He taught us before we lead, we must listen, analyze and follow. I think I got all three down pretty good.

Since manufacturing has been my expertise, I usually take what I have learned from businesses and apply them to my daily life. The eight business waste are:
• Unused Creativity/Capability
• Defects
• Inventory
• Over Production
• Waiting
• Excess Motion
• Transportation
• Over Processing

I gave you the secrets. You’re welcome.

How does someone become a leader? Most of them take extra steps, right? When I start working at a new place I take the extra step and point out things that are hurting the company and how to fix it. I hear all the time, “Do not to say anything because managers do not like to hear about what is wrong.”

That is true. I mean, everyone has roses but not many would lean to smell them. But generally, how do supervisors get in these positions? Because they take the extra step to improve a function, therefore, saving the company, thus, the company would invest in that person to stay.

I was recently on an interview with a job I had no interest in and for the first time I was over-qualified for this position. I couldn’t believe it, myself. The job didn’t pa much but I am in a bad spot for money so I was open to it.

The lady who interviewed my had a weird, why-did-he-apply look on her face. She said, “It seems like this isn’t a good fit for you. You seem over-qualified for this position. Would you consider being in a leadership position?”

On an interview, you tell them what they want to hear, so I told her, “yes.” But I had something on the brain when I left.

It never crossed my mind that I would be able to be a supervisor. The signs were always there but I never put the puzzle together. When I am seasoned employee on a site, I always introduce myself and friend newcomers. Even older and veteran employees would ask my opinion on things and they would consider them as real knowledge.

If the offer is on the table and the money sounds ok I will take the job on any shift, even graveyard. It is not because I like to run people that I will take the job.
Personally, I hate micro-management and feel you should be able to do your job without anyone hovering.

Other evidence started to surface. I am an instructor to a workshop for high school students and would coach adolescents in my father’s boxing gym and basketball team. I used to assist coaching gymnastics for girls and boys so I been around children enough to know how to handle damage control.

All of these experiences got me to this point and it is like unused talent. No, it is unused talent.

If nothing else, the possibility of a leadership position will open more doors of opportunity and to no longer be a worker bee. The last job that let me go was a blessing because I saw people working really fast to make numbers and I know they will never surpass a entry level position. Hard work is for the gym.

Goodbye and so long to my old self and standards.

Real Man Moments 12-15-11

I think it is time we reinvent the urinal. The urinal is what most guys like to use when using the bathroom. I hope I don’t see a woman use one but… to each is his or her own is beautiful, right?

As a man I wake every morning at my toilet and although accuracy is the best policy, I tend to hit the rim and other days I don’t bother I just sit down without risking it. Actually sitting down is more relaxing.

Anyway, I don’t care what age you are guys but there has been at least one time you have been at the urinal and it either splashes on you shirt or damn near on your face. I wonder which one of my fellow brethren thought this was a good idea?

I think the only way it should be reformed is to put it in a cone shaped design always aiming down. No splashes I bet. And this leads me into my other segment, PARTY FOULS.

A PARTY FOUL is something my best friend came up with. While most men would think all fouls are gay but they are not. It is simply a rule any man (gay or straight) should not do. Period.

Let me give an example of a party foul in a public restroom. There are three open, vacant urinals and let’s even say you are the only person in the restroom, you occupy a urinal. A random guy approaches and uses the urinal RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

Some people call them unwritten man rules but I call them party fouls. I also think it is nasty to pick your nose or put one hand on the wall. I was taught to use two hands anyway like my father taught me. He always said, “Hold it with both hands, son, the world can take everything from you but make sure it doesn’t take that.”

He was so right.

A Man Who Loves to be Married

My Wife and I tied the knot on June 18, 2011. Even after six months it’s amazing that a husband can remember the day he married the best person in the world. I say, “person” because I respect hetero and homosexual relationships, even though I prefer women, of course.

I met my wife during a minority journalism workshop in high school as we both desired to be journalist. She sat next to me and at that moment I knew I was going to have a friend that year.

I analyze everyone at all times...well...when I am paying attention but I paid attention to her all day.

While we waited to get our instructions I noticed she had on one glove. I looked around to see if she had misplaced it around our desks so that I can retrieve it, being the gentleman I trained myself to be.

When I could not find it, this single and lonely glove confused me. I needed to crack this case and so I began the most important interview of my life.

I said, ”Why do you have on one glove.” She acted as if it was normal and looked down trying to recognize what I thought was a problem. She replied, “Because one hand is cold.”

While I processed and asked my question as a mystery, she answered the question as if it were a math question. You know, one multiplied by one equals a satisfied hand.
Whatever the equation was, the solution was to marry this girl.

I have been with her for seven years and it has been the best seven years of my life. Trust me, I have gone through life’s issues but it has been the best experiences because she was there for me. Although religious folk will not agree with us we have co-habitated years before marriage. I do believe in God and Jesus Christ but no church claims me. I have my reasons.

Since I we been living together I noticed that she does things that annoy me. I love her enough not to embarrass her so I will make up something. Something that would annoy me would be to leave a wet towel on the floor. If I came home and walked into the bathroom and noticed it I would either hang it up or throw it in the hamper.

Things like wet towels shouldn’t make or break a relationship so I tend to not worry. If becomes a problem then I would sit down and talk with her about it instead of yelling or waiting for an argument to lash out. Because I love her I don’t do that.

My wife has been my everything for the last eight years of our relationship and my love is no what Edward and Bella have on TV. Bella never had to pay personal property tax while vampire Edward has to work two jobs to pay the bills. Also, I never seen a guy yelling in the streets claiming his complicated (I’m going to make a fool of myself because this is the end of the movie but start to a happy ending) love for a girl where the whole street and sidewalk applauds and does a Slumdog Millionaire Bollywood dance number about love.

This is the real world folks, this is what I call love:

Love doesn’t pay the bills nor does it solve issues like finding a job, family issues or self-esteem issues. When my brother married his wife during his senior year and no one particular was on his side he said, “That’s OK. Because we got love!” Love is a good chunk of a marriage and but there are logistics that people do not consider.
When you take responsibility for someone’s life you have to treat it like a business. You and your spouse are CEOs of your marriage. You consider the risks, collateral, expansion (babies), and opportunity but there is one thing you never want to do is find a merger. You never want someone else trying to get into your marriage. Everyone will try and push their way in but you never let them in. Mothers, fathers, siblings, friends and co-workers can come and visit but they can never be a shareholder. And if all else fails you tell them, “Mind your own business.”

Maybe this is a monologue, but it is coming to an end. I was never a guy for strip clubs or stag parties. I really don’t believe a woman looks good being easy or dressing slutty for anything. I prefer women of success or a woman with a dream to succeed. I don’t believe a woman should OBEY but to reach a compromise to any relationship. I believe the best thing a man can do is earn a woman’s respect and trust without financial or physical force. I understand that there are men whom acted a certain way, but some things need to change for the sake of our existence.

Because I am not the average male or “wuss” or any sort, I believe I was born to be a good husband. At the end of the day, I want to be at home with my wife on the couch and holding a good conversation with kisses in between.

A Man With A Plan

About eight years ago I met my wife on the first day of a journalism workshop. We bonded instantly and became friends and later a couple. This year my wife and I are instructors for the workshop and everything seems full-circle, almost.

Although I am teaching high school students the fundamentals of journalism, I am still taking classes at a community college trying to complete my AA Degree. My dream was to run my own business of still and video photography. After networking with a colleague I had a change in direction of how to go into business sooner than later.

A good way to pursuit any dream is to act in the now and start a plan. Get into the habit of not putting things off for tomorrow and make the effort think of you are a day behind and put things into motion. I have two photographers that I am planning to call to get tips on the business. My uncle has a lot of experience that I would like to learn from the still photography aspect. Another photographer is looking for a business partner to capture video for his clients during weddings, which will add a new dynamic to his business while I take my first step into starting my own.

No person should try for a goal and stop after realizing it will not be easy. The people who can stand tall after falling are the ones who know a mistake was made to reach perfection. Plan to make mistakes and remember that you can never really fail at anything unless you do not try. I never failed in life but I learned a lot of ways not to do certain things such as cooking, manual labor and finish school.

There are dreams that need to be altered as we progress in life. So, maybe you didn’t make the finals for American Idol. Change your plan and maybe you learn that you rather become a teacher or find another way by performing in Vegas. Who says you can’t alter your dreams from being a pop star to singing on Broadway? Also, sometimes you can get in the way of your own success.

I am in the business of not just making money, or for popularity. I am in the business of getting up every morning and doing something I love without a “nine-to-five” supervisor looking over my shoulder to see if I am matching their expectations. I am in the business of a stress-free environment during work, home and recreation hours of my week. In order to make this business work, I need to be my first customer by believing in myself.