Real Men Can Learn From Mary Poppins

Hey MEN, have you watch Mary Poppins lately? It's the movie where a British nanny comes from out of nowhere and discipline the children while their father, Mr. Banks, leaves for work and usually comes back home and doesn't lift a finger.

Although I cannot see you, I'm pretty sure you are Mr. Banks. Yes, you.

You come home from work, you want a hot meal and you put your kids on someone else's plate and expect that person to digest what you served them. Now, I believe most children are great people but they all need to know their responsibilities and roles in the house. But, this also includes dads and husbands as well.

One day you will come home and that person you depended on (mother, wife, girlfriend, nanny) will not be there. The kids are tearing up the house and there isn't even a bologna sandwich waiting for you. What do you do?

First, grab a broom, mop, bucket, cleaner and a sponge because it is time to clean house. If a man can do anything, he can certainly clean a house. Why wait for your wife to do it? You don't need your mamma. You need to put in some work and stop being lazy.

If you are single then you have to clean after yourself. There is no way getting over that. There is no single woman that is thinking, "I would love a dirty man. Nothing turns me on more than old pizza boxes and a sink full or dirty dishes."

Husbands, we are running out of time. Women are beginning to make more than men in the workforce and we should be doing all that we can to make sure the woman in our lives aren't getting board of us.

A decent man told me, "Women treat men like cars. Make sure you're running good or else they will trade you in for a new one." If this is true I hope I have a Power Train warranty and 56 miles per gallon.

If you are not cleaning by now, you have to start. It is extremely important for our future. One thing a woman likes is a man who can take care of himself. If he can't take care of himself, why should she believe she will be taken care of?

If you are a guy who needs some help getting started, watch Hoarders. Once you see an episode it will turn you into a "oh-hell-no-not-me" attitude.

Finally, take care of your kids. There are so many stories and cases where daddy wasn't around or abused their kids verbally, mentally or physically (if he stayed). I'm not asking you to be their best friend but why can't you pay attention to them?

As my kid free days are closing in, I only dream of the day I come home to see how my child or children has evolved by life's natural lessons. Also, what life doesn't teach them it will be my responsibility to guide them.

At the end of the movie Mr. Banks hangs his head low as he dismissed his kids and ended up embarrassing himself in the process. Don't become Mr. Banks, guys. It will make you sick to your stomach when the kids are all gone and they despise you.

Because we can always change, Mary can help your illness. Remember, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

March Madness Week 7

Week 7 has been lighter than 6. Thank God.

Having said that, this week was all about the pain and fatigue becoming dominant in the household.

I need to be selfish real quick because I have had a bad time at work lately. If you have been reading I the past, I became a pre-apprentice electrician. This job requires intense labor and energy that will leave you drained by the time you go home. On top of this, racial profiling is strong in this profession and most workers are up front about it. More on this story will continue in another post.

Anyway, I decided to use my YMCA membership and shed some pounds and I have lost 10 pounds since I started working. Wednesday, someone decided to change the blue prints and I had to do grunt work by breaking ground with a sledge hammer.

As the hammer brought destruction to the floor, the hammer brought pain to my hands. Others have told me to leave the wedding ring at home. I paid a painful price as the hammer pinched my wedding finger leaving me with intense blisters.

Now, for my wife, the back thigh and butt was painful because the uterus stretches during pregnancy. During this week, she regained some of her appetite but broth and crackers remain most of her diet. I feel better about it.

For some time, her job working at home has kept her working past midnight and the weekends are an opportunity for her to catch up. As a friend and husband I am not happy with this because when she gets a minute I have to stop and spend time with her. As a video gamer, it has been a uphill battle trying to find my inner peace with my video games. I truly suffer for my family.

Because she has been glued to her work computer, I am putting a foot down and suggesting that she finds another job where she has a more stable schedule. I not a fan of the management anyway, and I feel her job will get more difficult and never get easier.

On the lighter side, I ended the week by eating some delicious fish tacos from a local eatery, De-lish. Also, I watched the Hunger Games and I am a true fan of the series now. I am now working on buying the whole series soon.

Now that week 8 is around the corner, I am ready for some new B.S. coming my way.

March Madness Week 6

If you were waiting to read what has been going on with the pregnancy there is a reason why I have not delivered. That reason is the fact that I had absolutely NO TIME at all.

Week 6 had to be one of the most energy draining weeks of my life. One night, my wife remained up passed 2 am in extreme pain. We were both freaking out, trying to figure out whether we go to the ER or just let the pain pass.

Later we discover it was intense trapped gas. In my mind, I really wanted to avoid a ER bill right now. I want to avoid ER visits until the birth but it’s too early to be in the clear.

My wife and I have been together for more than eight years and we had avoided hurling in front of others and ourselves. Ginger Ale and Sprite has dominated the house by keeping her nausea at bay. Although, keeping her in good health has been very difficult.

She has never been a big eater, but I was getting worried. At one point I thought she had a Twilight-Bella complex. Food wasn’t working so I was wondering if a blood transfusion was up for debate. Saltines and broth from soup became the gateway to her nutrition.

Most women know by week 6 there is no sign of a bump in the belly. But, the boobs got huge. Anytime breasts start pouring out of bras in front of men, we are programmed to stare, fantasize, and hope not to lose control.

Unfortunately, it did not do a thing to me.

My sex drive has gone from Fast and the Furious to Driving Miss Daisy. I have heard of guys having sympathy pain and I do not feel like I have any symptoms. I cannot feel turned on when my wife is going through so much pain and changes. There is a time for everything and right now she needs me for different reasons.

So far we have learned that when she is hungry she needs to eat right away. Most nights, I have taken the responsibility of cooking for us both but its has been like cooking for one-third of a person. Disappointing, yes, but we manage to get by.

What I can walk away from this week was the support and togetherness that we shared. Also, this means that she will be needing me and I need to stay by her side.

March Madness pt.2

Previously on March Madness…..

My wife greeted me when I came home from the store. I received a hug and at this point it felt like a hug that I was going to hear about a passing of a family member. For a split second, I had a “this-is-going-to-change-my-life” moment. She tells me she loves me and I look at her and return the feeling.

“I’m pregnant”, she says.

OK. Time to back up.

One week ago….

I’m laying in bed getting ready to pass out from my photography madness of a job. “I think I’m late.” My response, “What else is new?”

I know that sounds weird but my wife and I have had many, many slips with contraceptives and we miss the target with a flawless victory. Even before we were married, when a lot of people would judge about this sort of thing, we had the same issues so there was nothing to worry about. By the way, do I get a pass from the judgy people who frown on cohabitation now that I’m married?

Back to the story..

Just to ease our minds I say, “Well, go get a test just to get it out of the way. We always doge this bullet anyway.” My wife pauses for a minute. “What if this is for real this time?”

I wouldn’t call that foreshadowing, but if I was a betting man…..

Back to real time…..

To receive this information in my brain that my wife is pregnant felt like throwing a rock down a well and waiting to hear the thud… that you never hear. On top of all this I have the look on my face as if someone stole my car.

“Preganant?” It finally come out. She walks me to the bathroom and shows me these two lines that changed my life forever.

I mean… wow. I don’t believe it.

No. Really. I didn’t believe it. It was the Equate brand from Walmart and I really did not believe it. I wanted her to get the most advanced piece of technology…. She will ever pee on. Hey, it was from the commercial, not me.

We went to get it. And she followed the most accurate method to test. It featured a second digital test to confirm the non-believers of the results. 15 to 20 minutes later she come out of the bathroom with the digital stick.

The stick reads: YES+

Oh crap. We’re having a baby.

To be continued…..

March Madness pt. 1

February for me was one of the strangest month in my adult life. I was unemployed at the begging and my unemployment was not getting the bills paid. Although we were almost rubbing pennies together, we did purchase the latest Twilight move. The movie made the pre-Valentine’s weekend memorable for years to come.

Later on, I received a call for a position for a photography job. I was super-excited when I accepted the job offer. Although the job did not pay much, I figured I could learn some tricks and later on do freelance.

A week goes by and not only did I work weird hours, my promised compensation wasn’t so….promising.

Meanwhile, my father was pulling strings in construction and landed me an interview with a well-known electric company. It was a big deal because I can make about  $40,000 annually in a five-year span. After a thorough interview I got the job and I am now a “pre-apprentice Electric Contractor”

When I started a new job I took the responsibility of getting my own phone plan, a obstacle I’ve been struggling with since adulthood. Also, I wanted a career that would give my family an opportunity to be in a safe environment, no matter where the economy stands.

The madness starts…

This new job comes opportunity but delivers hatred and racism. I am bi-racial for those who do not know and I have heard a lot in my life. To work with people, who holds the responsibility in training people but resist change, is annoying beyond belief. But, I grin and bear those things because my future is in my hands and I cannot make any more mistakes.

To relax, I invited my mother and mother-in-law to my place to celebrate their birthdays. As we enjoy drinks and shared great memories, the night was perfect.

The next morning, I received a hug and a kiss from my beautiful wife. “I love you”, she says. “But there is something I have to tell you.”

To be continued……

Truthfully, I wouldn’t be into Valentine’s Day if it had not been for my wife, whom is a fan of holidays.

I always thought of this holiday as a way to rob the public of their savings for next Christmas. All jewelry is for sale but, realistically, what average consumer studies trends of the price of gold and diamonds? It was all a hoax as far as I am concerned until she gave me a reason to cook a woman her favorite lasagna and snuggle up to quirky-teenage vampire romance movies.

Because I truly love my wife, any man who may call me a “wuss” or “chump” has made a terrible mistake of identifying the wrong person.

Somewhere in America on Valentine’s Day, a woman will be at home waiting for her rose or just a simple hug from the man of her dreams. That’s not what she will come receive, even though she is not single.

At 5:37 pm, he comes through the door tired or, in some cases, a smile on his face with nothing in his possession. Although she has been at work also, she had to witness floral arrangements and love notes delivered all day without getting a single candy heart.

She sits on the couch waiting for the best moment of the day but all she hears is silence from the kitchen.

She enters the kitchen to check on her man and then she blacks out.

…………………………

Everything is blurry when she wakes up and only one eye is functional.

The left side of her face is numb and she has the worst headache in the world. As the blurs begin to sharpen, she sees him pacing in a rage as he yells, cursing non-stop. Then, a familiar question comes out of his mouth.

“Do you think I like hitting you?”, he says.

“My steak isn’t cooked and not even a baked potato?!?”

He mounts her and continues to beat her as she screams for mercy all night.
This is probably the worst thing to read around this time of year, I know. Unfortunately, it happens all the time every year.

These are the real “chumps” and “wusses” who abuse their partners physically, emotionally and verbally. Domestic violence occurs more than anyone can imagine.

In 2009, Alec McNaughton and his wife Cathy celebrated their love for each other over breakfast during the Valentine’s Day weekend. All morning, they expressed their appreciation for each other in handwritten notes in those cards. They even exchanged chocolates.

According to the police, within hours, Alec stabbed Cathy at least 31 times and ending her life.

Love is a great thing but you cannot focus on loving someone (or claiming you do) if you do not love yourself. It takes courage and heat for a man to accept his rage.

My last blog was about rage and it may seem that I am a dark person. I don’t agree with that. I heard someone tell a vampire in a movie, “The truth is harder to consume than sunlight”. If that isn’t the truth...

Valentine’s Day is a day made for love. Send it to your mother or father, just to say you contributed. Buying stuff is for the rich and the irresponsible spenders. If you can have a good V-Day without hurting someone or spending money then you had it good.

Hurting someone should be easy but for men, its common to be a challenge. Show someone you love them by getting some help and admitting you have a problem. Saying sorry is a start but it cannot be validated without action in the right direction.

For the creativity part...well, I can’t give out all of my secrets. Comment on this and we can talk.

Be safe and take Valentine’s Day to spread joy like Christmas.

The Monster of Men: Rage

Let’s just say I got on my wife’s bad side last night. I did at the time we never wanted this to happen. It happened right before bed and I was really tired. Have you ever been angry about something and you were extremely tired but you could not fall asleep?

This blog entry is really not about so much of the issue at hand but more of my actions and how men act in these circumstances.

An issue that has been dead, even before our marriage, seemed to surface in my head during my attempt to pass-out. I was angry and I wanted to just destroy something physical to not only justify my thoughts but to make an image of my frustration.
Of course, I did not destroy anything but even thinking about it was wrong and I thought that maybe sharing might help this terrible emotion.

Men have this almost inevitable emotion that we cannot control most of the time. Rage is defined as anger fury or violent anger. If you look it up, it may have more than one definition but all will have, “violence” attached to it.

Why are men so attached to violence, or better yet, why is it easy for men to tap into rage more than women?

Let’s analyze this for a second. Especially in America, men like explosions, gunfights, good guys and well-played villains. But more than all of the action movie ingredients, we get a special adrenaline rush when we see the main character lose something or felt they have reached their boiling point and unleashes a fury on the silver screen. So, the rage we all experience on television programs or in the movies gives us satisfaction and we process in our minds that its ok to explode when we are hurt physical or emotionally.

This doesn’t work so well with female characters because in most cases both men and women will claim this character a “crazy bitch” or say, “she finally snapped.” This only happens because its unusual for women to reach that level of intensity and society makes an exception for men because of testosterone. I think it’s total bull.

As men, we feel more human when we become angry and act like cavemen with the “me-Hulk-smash” mindset. In reality, we not only lose our masculinity but our humanity as well. Rage is nothing more than an acronym in my mind. It means, “Reject All Good Energy”.

Anyone who has felt rage did not possess the same energy as they would as if they were at happy hour after a couple of good drinks with good people. Guys, you don’t feel rage when you see crotch shots on YouTube or AFV. When we laugh, smile and cry we show our true humanity. There is nothing wrong with expressing frustration because it is also a human emotion. We only become pure animals when all human emotions are irrelevant and destruction becomes the only answer.

Anger has been one of the biggest hurdles of my life. My temper, or lack of, has been in shambles ever since childhood. Is there a cure?

Right before I got married I went to the Provident, a council service office to help men with pending cases for domestic or sexual assault in St. Louis. They were the only office that excepted walk-ins and non-offenders. I never assaulted anyone but I felt like I was going to sooner or later and I needed help.

Always remember than there is always someone out there that can beat you at anything you are good at. When I filled out the forms to be seen they had questions on the survey that I almost scared me straight. It was in the format of ,”Strongly agree to strongly disagree” and you filled the bubble according to your reaction to the statement. Here were some of the questions:

“My wife deserves a beating if my dinner isn’t cooked when I come home.”
(Uhhh……..strongly disagree)
“When I walk into the bar, all the women in sight wants to please me orally.”
(WTF?)
“It turns me on how my daughter looks at me when we are at the dinner table”
(This is just sick)

Of course, most of the statements were “strongly disagree” for me accept any statement concerning rage and I completed the form to seek help. After a session with a social worker, I was able to answer some long time questions of my own.

First, he thanked me for coming in to talk to someone and that I am normal. He said, “We all get angry and we need to figure out why. Just talking to a complete stranger can prevent violent acts to our loved ones and to ourselves.”

Second, he suggested a book that I have not purchased yet but tax season is coming up and I think I can spare 25 dollars. The book is called The Angry Book by Dr. Theosdore Issac Rubin. It provides root causes for anger and how to release it and become healthy.

Finallly, I had to tell the people who made me angry and the reasons behind it. Most of the people on my list were warm and very understanding. They knew I had stored emotion and I used anger to hide it. Some were not and believed I mentally made up events and distorted the truth. I became annoyed by it but we all are guilty of not remembering a moment in time when it was important to someone else.

Rage is negative energy that can drain even the most powerful men in the world. President Barrack Obama used to have dark hair as a presidential candidate. Four-years later and the same man has almost more salt to pepper head of hair. I know my president has exploded behind closed doors and when the cameras stopped rolling.

I am 27 years old and I would like to keep my dark hair for years to come without a dye. And because I lost what I had gained before last night I have some words to my wife, whom may or may not read this entry:

My beloved,

Although I may forget show it everyday, I try my best to tell you I love you as much as I can. I will never forget how you saved my life more than once from myself. Although I am not a perfect human, I hope that one day I can be the perfect man for you. I wish there was another way to say I am sorry since I believe I say it more than I tell you how you make me happy. I lost last night but I am not beaten as I will rise as a better person and a better husband. It is a new day and a new opportunity to show I have more light than dark and you made that light for me to shine. I love you.