Truthfully, I wouldn’t be into Valentine’s Day if it had not been for my wife, whom is a fan of holidays.

I always thought of this holiday as a way to rob the public of their savings for next Christmas. All jewelry is for sale but, realistically, what average consumer studies trends of the price of gold and diamonds? It was all a hoax as far as I am concerned until she gave me a reason to cook a woman her favorite lasagna and snuggle up to quirky-teenage vampire romance movies.

Because I truly love my wife, any man who may call me a “wuss” or “chump” has made a terrible mistake of identifying the wrong person.

Somewhere in America on Valentine’s Day, a woman will be at home waiting for her rose or just a simple hug from the man of her dreams. That’s not what she will come receive, even though she is not single.

At 5:37 pm, he comes through the door tired or, in some cases, a smile on his face with nothing in his possession. Although she has been at work also, she had to witness floral arrangements and love notes delivered all day without getting a single candy heart.

She sits on the couch waiting for the best moment of the day but all she hears is silence from the kitchen.

She enters the kitchen to check on her man and then she blacks out.

…………………………

Everything is blurry when she wakes up and only one eye is functional.

The left side of her face is numb and she has the worst headache in the world. As the blurs begin to sharpen, she sees him pacing in a rage as he yells, cursing non-stop. Then, a familiar question comes out of his mouth.

“Do you think I like hitting you?”, he says.

“My steak isn’t cooked and not even a baked potato?!?”

He mounts her and continues to beat her as she screams for mercy all night.
This is probably the worst thing to read around this time of year, I know. Unfortunately, it happens all the time every year.

These are the real “chumps” and “wusses” who abuse their partners physically, emotionally and verbally. Domestic violence occurs more than anyone can imagine.

In 2009, Alec McNaughton and his wife Cathy celebrated their love for each other over breakfast during the Valentine’s Day weekend. All morning, they expressed their appreciation for each other in handwritten notes in those cards. They even exchanged chocolates.

According to the police, within hours, Alec stabbed Cathy at least 31 times and ending her life.

Love is a great thing but you cannot focus on loving someone (or claiming you do) if you do not love yourself. It takes courage and heat for a man to accept his rage.

My last blog was about rage and it may seem that I am a dark person. I don’t agree with that. I heard someone tell a vampire in a movie, “The truth is harder to consume than sunlight”. If that isn’t the truth...

Valentine’s Day is a day made for love. Send it to your mother or father, just to say you contributed. Buying stuff is for the rich and the irresponsible spenders. If you can have a good V-Day without hurting someone or spending money then you had it good.

Hurting someone should be easy but for men, its common to be a challenge. Show someone you love them by getting some help and admitting you have a problem. Saying sorry is a start but it cannot be validated without action in the right direction.

For the creativity part...well, I can’t give out all of my secrets. Comment on this and we can talk.

Be safe and take Valentine’s Day to spread joy like Christmas.

The Monster of Men: Rage

Let’s just say I got on my wife’s bad side last night. I did at the time we never wanted this to happen. It happened right before bed and I was really tired. Have you ever been angry about something and you were extremely tired but you could not fall asleep?

This blog entry is really not about so much of the issue at hand but more of my actions and how men act in these circumstances.

An issue that has been dead, even before our marriage, seemed to surface in my head during my attempt to pass-out. I was angry and I wanted to just destroy something physical to not only justify my thoughts but to make an image of my frustration.
Of course, I did not destroy anything but even thinking about it was wrong and I thought that maybe sharing might help this terrible emotion.

Men have this almost inevitable emotion that we cannot control most of the time. Rage is defined as anger fury or violent anger. If you look it up, it may have more than one definition but all will have, “violence” attached to it.

Why are men so attached to violence, or better yet, why is it easy for men to tap into rage more than women?

Let’s analyze this for a second. Especially in America, men like explosions, gunfights, good guys and well-played villains. But more than all of the action movie ingredients, we get a special adrenaline rush when we see the main character lose something or felt they have reached their boiling point and unleashes a fury on the silver screen. So, the rage we all experience on television programs or in the movies gives us satisfaction and we process in our minds that its ok to explode when we are hurt physical or emotionally.

This doesn’t work so well with female characters because in most cases both men and women will claim this character a “crazy bitch” or say, “she finally snapped.” This only happens because its unusual for women to reach that level of intensity and society makes an exception for men because of testosterone. I think it’s total bull.

As men, we feel more human when we become angry and act like cavemen with the “me-Hulk-smash” mindset. In reality, we not only lose our masculinity but our humanity as well. Rage is nothing more than an acronym in my mind. It means, “Reject All Good Energy”.

Anyone who has felt rage did not possess the same energy as they would as if they were at happy hour after a couple of good drinks with good people. Guys, you don’t feel rage when you see crotch shots on YouTube or AFV. When we laugh, smile and cry we show our true humanity. There is nothing wrong with expressing frustration because it is also a human emotion. We only become pure animals when all human emotions are irrelevant and destruction becomes the only answer.

Anger has been one of the biggest hurdles of my life. My temper, or lack of, has been in shambles ever since childhood. Is there a cure?

Right before I got married I went to the Provident, a council service office to help men with pending cases for domestic or sexual assault in St. Louis. They were the only office that excepted walk-ins and non-offenders. I never assaulted anyone but I felt like I was going to sooner or later and I needed help.

Always remember than there is always someone out there that can beat you at anything you are good at. When I filled out the forms to be seen they had questions on the survey that I almost scared me straight. It was in the format of ,”Strongly agree to strongly disagree” and you filled the bubble according to your reaction to the statement. Here were some of the questions:

“My wife deserves a beating if my dinner isn’t cooked when I come home.”
(Uhhh……..strongly disagree)
“When I walk into the bar, all the women in sight wants to please me orally.”
(WTF?)
“It turns me on how my daughter looks at me when we are at the dinner table”
(This is just sick)

Of course, most of the statements were “strongly disagree” for me accept any statement concerning rage and I completed the form to seek help. After a session with a social worker, I was able to answer some long time questions of my own.

First, he thanked me for coming in to talk to someone and that I am normal. He said, “We all get angry and we need to figure out why. Just talking to a complete stranger can prevent violent acts to our loved ones and to ourselves.”

Second, he suggested a book that I have not purchased yet but tax season is coming up and I think I can spare 25 dollars. The book is called The Angry Book by Dr. Theosdore Issac Rubin. It provides root causes for anger and how to release it and become healthy.

Finallly, I had to tell the people who made me angry and the reasons behind it. Most of the people on my list were warm and very understanding. They knew I had stored emotion and I used anger to hide it. Some were not and believed I mentally made up events and distorted the truth. I became annoyed by it but we all are guilty of not remembering a moment in time when it was important to someone else.

Rage is negative energy that can drain even the most powerful men in the world. President Barrack Obama used to have dark hair as a presidential candidate. Four-years later and the same man has almost more salt to pepper head of hair. I know my president has exploded behind closed doors and when the cameras stopped rolling.

I am 27 years old and I would like to keep my dark hair for years to come without a dye. And because I lost what I had gained before last night I have some words to my wife, whom may or may not read this entry:

My beloved,

Although I may forget show it everyday, I try my best to tell you I love you as much as I can. I will never forget how you saved my life more than once from myself. Although I am not a perfect human, I hope that one day I can be the perfect man for you. I wish there was another way to say I am sorry since I believe I say it more than I tell you how you make me happy. I lost last night but I am not beaten as I will rise as a better person and a better husband. It is a new day and a new opportunity to show I have more light than dark and you made that light for me to shine. I love you.