The Real Rx

October 15, 2012

It’s been a long time since I have blogged any information to my site. It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s more like the opposite. There are many things I will get into later but this is post is about doctor visits…again.

The last time I made a entry about doctor’s visits it wasn’t pleasant. By the way, I cannot believe Serenity Health had the nerve to stand behind a health-walk for the city but I guess when you nickel-and-dime your patients for everything you can pay for anything. However, this is a totally new topic for doctors. Men need to know the doctors and practitioners who give care to their wives and, especially, delivering their baby.

My wife’s doctor is wonderful for a lot of reasons. One of the best qualities he has is the best bedside manner I had seen in my life. He really reminds me of Heathcliff Huxtable from the Cosby Show, played by Bill Cosby. The first time I met him he came through the door, acknowledged my wife and shook my hand. His hand shake was perfectly balanced. Not too firm but not to soft.

Because his office was slammed during the time of us finding we were expecting, my wife had to go to Serenity. Enough said there. But he was sad to hear of our bad experience with them and tried his best to give us comfort. He ordered a 3D Ultrasound for her just to make sure nothing is wrong from the previous doctor’s order and we can start a clean slate from here. I say, “we” because we are in this together, although, she has the final say for her care.

“Before we left he dazzled me again and make me a fan of his until I die. Before you order the ultrasound, call your insurance company and see how much it will cost you for the hospital(s) of your choosing for the best price.”

I never heard that before and I never would have thought of that. One of the biggest reasons that men don’t go to the doctor, other than to hear bad news, is the cost. I would have gone more frequently with that kind of information.

Fast forward, the visit last week had me on cloud nine because I missed the previous visit and the doctor missed me showing up. I’m not his damn patient and somehow he enjoyed me enough to notice I was gone. The reason was I started working again (info TBA) and I didn’t think it would matter.

I showed up and he gave me the responsibility to make sure I gave the nurses her medical records while informing us not to call him when her water breaks or have to use the 5-1-1 rule, but go to the hospital instead. I took the doctor’s orders and packed it in my hospital bag.

Today, his office rubbed me the wrong way. I had to leave work an hour early to make the appointment I was geared for. When I go with her, she goes behind the door and gives a urine sample while I go to the waiting room in the back. There is usually court shows on but I tend to block them out because we are usually in and out within 25 minutes.

Unfortunately, I watch a whole episode of Judge Joe Brown and I am hot! I could have stayed at work for this! Not only did we wait, someone came in behind us and was out the door before we stepped foot inside an exam room.

When the doctor came in I said nothing. He basically greeted the room and felt my discomfort. He melted me over after for not only apologizing, but explaining that he was simply teaching and it takes time to teach the right way. If he spent time to spawn another him, I’m all for it.

Finding a good doctor is hard to find. I think it is harder to find a doctor who is in your corner. One of the first thing he explained to my wife and I is that he doesn’t want our money. That is for the insurance companies. He wants his patients to live and not worry about the burden of going into debt for their health. The best thing anyone can give me is the gift of free. Any kind of free will do, but this hits closer to home.  All I can say was best money not spent.

More content coming ASAP!

GOD BLESS

100% is too much

When you look on the news and the report is 66% humidity or 45% of votes you already conditioned your brain to scale the numbers on a 100% scale. What you never really see is 100% being reported on any subject. Why is that?

100% can mean perfection or disaster. It can mean full satisfaction or total disappointment. I used to listen to a lot of rap when I was a teen and now I don't understand 100% anymore. A lot rap now mentions full commitment, full determination and full attitude.

The term I hear from rap and it followers is "keep it 100."

You ever meet anyone who kept it real? Someone who like to tell what they think all the time? They are keeping it 100 while, in the midst of their personal success, become a jerk in the process. I realize now that going 100% can lead to a life of disasters. Even with God. People always think they are giving 100% to the God they serve but what they don't realize is the humanity in all of us that will never make them full Christians, Muslims, Jews or all of the rest.

How much are we allowed to love?

I love my wife more than what people would like to know and care about. Because I am a romantic, I have always felt this way because she gave me the chance to give her affection while others erected emotional barriers. Until a couple of days ago, I have given her 100% of my energy, love and devotion.

I stopped giving her that percentage for great reasons.

I have a son on the way. Who can be a 100% husband when you have a child who needs care and affection? I can't put that much energy into my wife anymore. Now there a 50/50 I have to split into. But I have a job too. So, I have to concentrate on that, right?? I got to put at least 45% at work and if you put more than 45% you need a new job or slow your role. You will never get that promotion because if you work 100 they will keep you there for fear that the numbers will fall.

I have to be a son and make sure my parents are alright. Sometimes I wish it was 5% of myself devoted to them but you know that they always want more. There is one person that I never gave 100% to in a long time and this person deserves a big increase.

I never put 100% in myself.

For years I have always put my time and energy in those around me and never got to give myself any time or attention. My son is on the way and I would have for his role model to have self doubt or personal growth. He needs to know about taking time to smell the roses and to follow his dreams instead of keeping someone's lost dream alive.

Everyone needs a balance. If you're stressed out or going through things you are not balanced. I'm also not inferring that it is your fault but the truth is something is off in your life. Whatever it takes to maintain stability make that be the only thing that you give 100%.

Because everything else is too much

Doctor's Steal and Get Away For It

A year ago, I was a groupie for my wife's job. Every function that was open to others, I attended knowing I was going to have a good time. The Florissant Fall Festival was a fun event I covered while my wife worked the booth. I came across a table with black women in doctor coats. I was turned on by the Serenity Healthcare. It was an all African-American women OB/GYN doctor's office.

My wife is African-American and thought it would be nice for her to have a doctor who could relate.

Boy was I wrong.

At first, it started out well. She was able to get in and out in a jiffy and she started to feel welcome. I wonder if that was a welcome cycle that would turn south after a couple of visits. As she progress into the pregnancy we noticed something odd. We started to get billed for our deductible in high doses at a time, along with separate charges for ultrasounds and other procedures. We assumed that was what our deductible covered so we decided to call our insurance provider for information.

This was not the news we wanted to hear.

Our provider informed us that some offices charge for the birth upfront and so we would have pick up a check, given by the the insurance company, to give to the hospital after the baby is born.

There's more.

We were informed by her co-worker, who is a patient at Serenity, that the doctors charge for extra and unnecessary ultrasounds to make extra profit. Now that we caught wind to all of this we have decided to move on to her older doctor.

More trouble.

After asking for her charts to be transferred to another office the receptionist mentions that they charge to transfer charts!

WTF!?!?!?

My wife asked for them to just give the charts to her. They STILL CHARGE THE SAME for both options. A 20$ flat fee is applied PLUS $.50 per PAGE!!!!

WTF!?!?!?!?!

We have not parted ways from Serenity but we will soon. I just can't believe what used to be a free service to patients are now a way to keep you as a patient. I feel like doctor's offices are turning into cell phone service contracts. To leave, you have to pay a penalty and there is no way around it.

Is this a new HIPPA law? Is this a loophole around "Obamacare?" Is this a criminal act?

Both our mothers work in the health industry and they have never heard of such insanity in their long careers.

This may be a tangent but it is surely a wake-up call to all of my readers.

Before you become a patient at a new office ask about their policies on transferring your medical records. This trend might be a new mandate in the future. I'm not calling for people to talk to their Senators or Representatives but I will say be aware of you doctor.

It's kind of hard to save for a baby when you are trampled with medical bills flying left and right. It has put us in a temporary bind that Dr. Huxtable would never put us in.

At this point, I'd rather have Dr. Kevorkian take me now. At least he wouldn't steal from me. He would just put me to sleep and rid me from Dr. Grief.

Kung FU BABY!!!!

I was watching netflix and came across Ralphie May, a comedian, performing his stand-up special. He started a bit about making love to his pregnant wife with his unborn son being apart of the action. Well, not intentionally. He looked down at her stomach and seen the baby do the "Mummy sandstorm routine." That's when the baby runs his face across the belly and open his mouth like a monster trying to get out. This maybe the wost intro ever, but this is about the first time I felt the baby kick.

Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with sex. You weirdos. You know who you are.

He's my kung fu baby. That is the only way I can describe it. For the last two weeks my wife has been preaching about Robert Jr. moving inside and I never get any proof. I would lay my hand on her belly and he automatically turns into NINJA BABY! He hides in the shadows of the womb without a trace.

Baby Vanish!

He returns when I am at my weakest state. Bedtime. My wife tells me he like to move around and kick around midnight, which is her usual sleeping time. He has kept her up in recent nights but I have plans to put him to rest.

One evening on the couch my wife, suddenly, grabs my hands to her stomach.

Baby vs. Daddy

I place my hand on her stomach and baby lands as right kick to my hand. He kicked so hard I saw one foot and five toes!
Baby Wins! Flawless Victory.

I have seen it in movies and heard stories but nothing comes close to feeling your first baby's kick. It was amazing to verify that my wife wasn't crazy and feel the little guy move around. Also, I know that this is only the beginning and there will be more kicking involved. I feel like after a few weeks he will master womb-kwan-do and we will spar again.

I have won two battles so far. He began to move one night and I put my face towards my wife's belly with two hand in a deep voice.

"HEY, GO TO SLEEP!!!"

No more moving for the rest of the night. I guess Future Daddy's still got it.

Baby Ultrasound Creates Picture Perfect Happiness

One thing a father can count on is knowing that sooner or later you will find out what you are having. But, what others can expect from a expecting father is that we want to know the sex of the baby.

In most cases, according to the books I have read, men would like to have a son on the first try. This is so common that even first time mothers want to give their guy a son. I was no different to the studies.

Up until the ultrasound, I had it set I my mind I KNEW it was going to be a girl. My mother had given my brothers and I the “curse.”

I know it may sound harsh but she has made adjustments in the family baby factories.

When we were kids, if she said something when we were kids it came to pass as adults.

“You’re going to learn to turn off lights when you get to pay the bills,” she said. Now, You would be lucky any light is on when it gets dark.

“You’re going to have girls when you get families.” We didn’t think that was going to happen either.

Going into the doctor’s office was no walk in the park. During work, I could barely keep my hands from trembling so I was very nervous. When we walked in the placed was very packed. I have gone before and there was usually no one except us. When we sat down we had to be ignored by loudmouths.

Now we all know that when you are in a doctor’s office you use your “inside voice”. As I looked around I see a little girl sitting by her parents sitting quietly on her best behavior. It was shocking to see the difference between a child and two adults’ behavior. Normally, I would just go off in the doctors’ office but decided not to. I did not want to be asked to leave before seeing this ultrasound.

We finally enter the room and I noticed that it was really dark. The technician (for lack of a better word) started the process and I was glued to the screen. She showed the back and the head which made me get antsy. “This is a girl. I knew it,” was the thought in my head. She even gave a pick from the bottom of the feet looking up.

There still was no evidence of the sex.

And then everything changed. We saw a member.

“There’s a little penis!”

Instantly, I put my head in my hands and the tears came out without any tingling from the nose or face. I tried to hold it in but I couldn’t help myself. When we entered the lobby you would have thought someone died. My eyes were bloodshot red and I had to run into a bathroom to get my self together.

I have a SON.

I always wanted a son. I have always wanted a son because I know that is what I was made to do. In my life, I never really get what I want. To be honest, I tried to buy a Playstation 3 since it released and I cried when my wife gave it to me for Christmas. It is the draining journey and giving up at the moment you get relief. But because I cry it makes me more of a man than those who don’t.

There are things that my father taught me but I have a bigger list for my son. Every minute is crucial and I want to my son to look up and always know that I will always a few steps away. I won’t abandon him. I won’t fail him.

This is why real men speak.

Week 15-18: A Month of Mayhem

I started this blog series thinking I was going to have a lot of time to write and record events within each week of the pregnancy. The stress from the month of May prevented any progress with writing.

Let’s be real for a moment, shall we? Times are HARD!

This was the month I was set on getting things taken care of. I made a dental appointment to get a tooth pulled with other work needed from a 10-year hiatus. I made plans to get temporary bills taken care of and we planned on putting extra money in savings for buying a house.

This list was long but do-able only if you work like you are supposed to. In my line of work, tomorrow is not promised. I only worked a total of 120 hours, unlike most full-time workers who collect 160 or more. Missing a week’s worth of money made our life a living hell and spiraling us into something we never thought was possible for financial responsible Americans: debt.

I know I am not alone in this struggle. I know things happen to all people but this is my life that you are reading and I hope you read this only thinking you understand where I am. The meat of my four weeks was trying to figure out when and how you are going to pay for extra charges when you can barely stay afloat with what you make regularly?

Life is bad and good through tough and light times. This is the summary of my month:

VACATION

We finally went on vacation, something we haven’t done as a couple since spring of 2008. Well, if you count the honeymoon a vacation, I guess since last year. We didn’t go far but finding a groupon to the Lake of the Ozarks was an opportunity we had to take. When we left, we were not in the same position when the groupon was bought but we needed to get away from house hunting, job stress and baby drama. To be fair, the baby went with us. We can call it...... a "Babymoon"

The trip was better than I had expected. I thought I was going to need three jobs by the time I got back home but in total we only spend a couple hundred dollars total. Something was bought for the entertaining dog at home and we both got to watch two movies that were on our radar: The Avengers (YAYY!!!) and What to Expect When You’re Expecting (Oh…).

Honestly, my wife’s choice (What to Expect…) was informative and it released some baby aggression (explained below) that I had for a couple of weeks and made me realize that although my life my change, everything will workout.

HOUSE MEYHAM

We finally found a house that we wanted. It wasn’t the best but it had a lot of things we were looking for and it almost feels like we were settling because the previous houses were not our cup of tea. I wanted to see us with the baby in here so I asked my father to take a look at the place. I can only describe him as the Simon Cowell of house hunting. He basically grilled the place with flaws but also added it wasn’t the worse starter house he had seen. Finally the owner’s were in denial of their home’s worth and our offer was rejected. Also, our realtor was saying and doing things we thought was in the direction for his profit and not in our corner. More added stress….

BILL ME, KILL ME

I finally got dental work done and because we were struggling it was a charge to Visa and I wish it didn’t HAVE to be there but it was great it was there. During one of the days I got to work, I received a distress call from my wife. She said if she didn’t pay her installment right at that moment, they couldn’t schedule her next appointment. I wouldn’t have cared so much if it wasn’t the most important appointment for dads. The next visit was the ultrasound determining the sex of Baby Williams. We made due and paid what we could. Two days later, she finally gets charged for her first ultrasound which was about the same amount of what she just paid. There are more charges that are in the mix and as we try to look towards better times, we didn’t seem to get any relief.

HOPE

When we finally got the total amount of all what was owed, we both had a breakdown. Hers held more water (no pun) because her emotional walls, lately, have started to thin as this happens to expecting moms. My wife is very strong and I was surprised it took this long for her to give into the things around her. My breakdown occurred a couple of days before hers and mine was a typical man’s breakdown. No matter how much she make more or less than I do, a man wants to take care of his family for financial and security reasons. I felt the way things are going I wasn’t doing my job as a husband and father. We finally reached out to people. We called friends for a get together and parents for moral support and we got more than we would never ask for: help. Friends came over for dinner and cards making the weekend stress-free. Our parents are now working on ways to cut their budget to help us out and I wish I can be half as great as my parents. Maybe its because its out of pure love or the simple fact that we don’t ask for too much that they want to help. As children of existing parents, we have shown independence to prove ourselves worthy, I guess. But, hope is on the way.

BABY NEWS

As I mentioned baby aggression I would like to provide a definition. Baby aggression is anger or rage an expecting parent would get when the stress of the time clock winding down and knowing that you won’t be fully prepared for your first child no matter what. Also, the anger can progress when the only information people want from you is how the pregnancy is going.

I get pissed when people assume that my wife is in “bitch mode” as a pregnant woman. She has not shown it once. I wish I had more content to share but she has been normal. If she was to scold me I probably deserved it. She is the same person I married and fell in love with. End of discussion.

The baby is growing and her belly is getting big. She must be losing personal weight while the baby is getting bigger. My wife had complained about her weight and I was there for her but I can honestly say her figure is getting slimmer compared to most pregnant women….like Jessica Simpson.

There are more months to go but she looks great

The baby must not care for breakfast or chocolate but it enjoys ice cream any kind of potato like fries and baked potatoes. My wife has the strength to moderate her cravings so we can never get ice cream for the house, which is a bummer in my book. It getting harder for her to get off the couch and out of bed so I am thinking of something to make that better for her. Every night cocoa butter spread all over to prevent stretch marks and I need to get better at it.

Really, I wish someone told me before I got fat I would have done it after high school.

I have lost at least 10 pounds since the pregnancy due to working with the elements in construction.

In all, life is what it is. If you have a lot of money, you have other issues other than the worries of living check to check. The rest of us have to do what we can. I could be in a darker place but I’m not and need to count the blessings I have. My wife is fantastic and the Baby Williams is healthy so far. Family is what truly matters when you become a parent no matter how old your children get. Rather they are 800 miles away or 8 feet in the next bedroom you will never stop caring about them. I go to work focused on coming home the way I left: in one piece. And, when I finally get home, I want to be left alone with my family in one peace.

Week 14: Not Your Average Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day will be a new program for my wife and myself for the rest of our lives. While she is used to giving every year it will be a new experience for her to receive. My focus will change because now I have to be the ultimate son and ultimate husband every year.

For the entire week there hasn’t been any cravings or mood swings. Only a few think I underwrite what goes behind closed doors but there is nothing to report. This pregnancy is not so difficult so far and I want it to stay that way.

The only problems we are facing lately would be the rush to get out of debt.

Construction is a hard pill to swallow because I wasn’t used to being off less than five days a week and because my wife is a super financial saver we have stayed afloat by using ultimate tactics. But just like every household we have bills during bad times. The good news is the concerning bills are temporary.

And this too shall pass.

The realtor has been… a realtor. The first meeting was great but we have to remember: The realtor’s first goal is to make a profit. His second job is to find you a home.

The proof has always been in the pudding.

The stress of work and realtors has put a toll on the relationship but not in a destroying way but it has dissolved spending time with each other even if I am sitting next to her.

Since money was tight and going out was not an option we decided to throw a mother’s day dinner at our house. My mother is the worst for receiving. She decided to have a barbecue at her place and wanted me over. I just dropped by to give her a necklace for being a future grandmother.

The dinner went off great and my wife is picking up and extra fork-full which is the opposite a few weeks ago. The bump is a small one and if we can remember to rub cocoa butter on it we would be better off.

I know this week’s entry has been all over the place and I apologize. This is how my life unfolds. I can’t add or subtract anything or it wouldn’t be my life.

Being a parent sounds hard and looks hard I have so many doubts about how I will perform. This week was one of those times where I am thankful my child isn’t here yet. Hard times are not good times for anyone. The stress and the worrying isn’t healthy for anyone either.

The turn of the week is when I gave honor to the mother’s in my life, especially the one who is expecting because they are doing their best by taking care of her and her child.

The world would be a wasteland if it had not been for mothers. Without wisdom, order and a voice of reason the world would be a living hell. Pimps, drug dealers, womanizers and even dictators have soft spots in their hearts for their mothers (yes, even Hitler and Bin Laden). We gain mothers and we lose mothers during our life and although we lose all them eventually, the love is still there. And we try our best to channel the same love to someone else because we were raised to do it.

Although “da-da” might be my dream for Baby William’s first word I’m almost certain it will be, “ma-ma.”

Week 13: The Lying, The Glitch in the Wardrobe

My wife is definitely changing. She is still beautiful as the weeks before but she looks different. Recently, she has complained numerous times that she cannot fit her pants. The shirts are stretching but that's not really the issue, yet. When I come home from work or an errand she has the button undone and the fly is as far as it can go.

I think we both had enough. She needs better clothes.

Before we get into clothes, I don’t like a lot of B.S. when it comes to working. I’m used to going in doing 7:00am thru 3:30pm every Monday thru Friday. In construction, it is totally different. When other teams half-ass, you may be staying at home more than the weekend. I am pretty fed up knowing I have a baby on the way and I cannot work to take care of Baby Williams.

I have thought of applying to another job in my old field but my resume is scattered too much for any employer to trust. I have to bite the bullet and take the damage. My foreman is giving me mixed signals telling me at the last minute, “Oh, I forgot to tell you we’re not working (fill in the blank).” I’m tired of the run-around and really tired of all the lying this industry does. I’m stuck.

Since I was off, again, this week and I figured I use the time to get things done. It didn’t happen. My body took advantage and slept most of the week. There goes that.

By Thursday we had a busy schedule. First, she had some busy interviews while I took my ring in for repair. We met back at the house for lunch followed by a doctor’s appointment.

The doctor visit was a little different. This time we actually meet the doctor. She, the doctor, introduced herself and I got to hear the baby’s heart. I just closed my eyes and smiled. I really fought back the tears because I felt one of those good cries coming on. A cry that once you start people start looking like, “It’s gonna be ok, dude, calm down.” The visit kind of sucked overall because she came into say “Hi, bye.” Before she left I did get to ask her the general guy question: “Is it ok to have sex?”

OK, there were complications as I stated last week that would prevent us from intercourse. It’s not like we’re porn stars in this house but I wanted to ask just in case. She gave us the ok and told us the week before our 1^st year anniversary we are going to find out the sex of the baby. (stay tuned in June)

We left to doctor to visit a local consignment shop in the area for baby things.

For men and women who are unaware of what a consignment shop is…….it’s basically the Goodwill of baby things.

Man did we find some good things in there. I started to pay $8 for a pair of baby Air Jordan’s in perfect condition. From baby books to children books, strollers and rockers to nursing stations the store had items that I would be proud buying them knowing I saved 85%.

My wife found some maternity shirts and skirt and drove to Target and discovered they have the smallest selection. Plus, every item was over $25 so of course we were going back to the consignment shop.

Friday was another busy day for my wife. She had an appointment early in the morning and I accompanied her to St. Louis Bread Co. (Panera) to meet a realtor. His name is Rick, and he makes buying a house seem simple enough to make sure his clients get what he wants. Some might think he sounds like smoke. I have to believe otherwise.

Well, he owns a small business, he didn’t show up to meet us in a three-piece suit. He came in jeans and V-neck casual shirt. He explained his credentials but that wasn’t his selling point. His goal is the get your home at the lowest price. He doesn’t care if the price of a home is 159,000 because he wants you to have it at 110,000 without closing cost to you.

He sounded so genuine because he was sick of the model, the standard of agents these days. They aren’t interested in who you are, their interest is what you can give them and not what they give you. Most big businesses are like that and we found it out quickly when looking for venues in our wedding. People today are interested in throwing their name at you and not their product.

The rest of the meeting went fine after he was confident to tell us the seller could pay the rest of our lease so we can move within a couple of months instead of the fall. We parted ways to return back to the consignment shop to retrieve some jeans that were needed three weeks ago.

Some might call this week the beginning of the second trimester. I call it life as I know it. I know I am concerned about money and how things might be in the near future. But moments in life like the sound of you baby’s heart beat or the sound of your wife exhaling from the extra space in the pants make me relax to look into the next week and face it like three kids in Narnia.

Week 12 Getting A-Head in Life

This week was all about what really matters. As we go through everyday life our busy schedules weighs us down, and with that, the important things in life are put behind us. I’m not the biggest fan of my new job but it has a pay-off if you stick it out. My financial standing is important when planning for the future.

On the medical front, my wife and I are still trying to cope with a loss of a family member, which caused some mild spotting for her physically. An appointment was made because she and the medical office shared similar concerns.

I would like to point out that I don’t recognize my child enough in the blogs only because I don’t know what to call him or her. My dear friend, Shannon, decided to call our undetermined child “Baby Williams.” I like it and I will use the reference from now on.

On the day of the appointment, I had a test I had to retake because I was so close to passing it the first time. The test was basic high school math and after completing College Algebra I was in another mind state. The job gave me another day off and let me go early that day.

I am really getting tired of being sent home. I need money not a nap.

I took advantage of the situation and decided to go home and step in the shower because later that evening my wife and I had to attend a happy hour for an organization.

(She did not drink but it sure was fun to tell people why she wasn’t.)

I took the shower and went to take the test. During the second test, I took my time. Surprising myself, I finished the test in the same amount of time as the first one.

When I showed up for happy hour, I got some pleasant news. My wife had received an ultrasound of the baby with photos. I thought it was great news and enjoyed the function.

All I wanted was ultrasound photos when I got home. She pulled the photos out and my stomach dropped like a dip on a rollercoaster.

I saw a little arm in one photo and a leg in another. At the bottom of the picture I saw the head. I don’t know why but the head made everything official but it did. It made me a statistic. I automatically became that proud father that wanted to show everyone that Baby Williams was here, with a noggin and limbs.

Before the pregnancy, I was a different person. Anytime someone would show me an ultrasound, I would brush it off in my mind. I would think, “They’re showing me this and its not born yet. They’re showing me a fetus like its big news.”

What an asshole I was. I made a terrible mistake.

People show you these things because they want you to feel the magic in the air or the blessing God has given us (depending on your point of view). The proof of your offspring combined with the ability to acknowledge it is a powerful type of love and affection. Most men cannot acknowledge what is real in this case and I believe this is why there are so many single mothers.

The future is almost guaranteed with pregnancy and parents must plan ahead for the future.

My wife’s company requires her to spread readership for her site. I usually tag along for kicks but recently I go because I monitor her condition. My wife can easily overwork and overheat herself and that was before she was pregnant.

After sitting at her both all day we had an hour left when she decided to visit the surrounding tables. She found something worth sharing to the class.

Most states have a initiatives to invest in children’s education. The state of Missouri has own program called the 529 Plan.

The 529 Plan is a special investment account created to help families save for higher education. The fund helps the child pay for tuition, room and board and books. The plan also has a “rollover” function for your second or third child in case your first born wants to “find themselves.”

This plan (along with others) has its pros and cons. Nothing is set in stone but why wouldn’t you want to invest into your child? A lot of parents break their neck believing that their child deserves “the best.” I think that philosophy is nuts but this is the best option for Baby Williams. To know that he/she won’t have an excuse to not succeed is a great feeling.

Whatever you can do as a parent to prepare your child’s well being is a step in the right direction. As parents, positive motivation can get a lot of things accomplished than pulling your hair out in fear of the worst when it is too late.

If a photo can change my perspective, I wonder what the power of holding my baby would do to me?

Week 11: The Circle of Life

This is a long read but the length was needed. Losing someone is important as gaining a life.

This week was dark for my wife’s family, including myself. Losing an uncle can be an emotional hit-or-miss situation and this was a definite hit. Friday, I had came home from work and I already knew he was in the hospital. What I didn’t know was that the situation was serious. My ears turned on after I heard the word, “liver” and started to recalculate the odds in our favor. This didn’t look positive.

Before the surprising news, I promised my pregnant wife that we needed a date night. Our lives usually revolves around family and friends and we needed a break from everyone and have a Redbox weekend. We both are fairly new to the Red Robin experience so we decided to have a date night and share a basket of limitless steak fries, her favorite.

A change of plan came up as usual and the table for two doubled for my mother and aunt-in-laws who needed a break from the grave news of the hospital. It turned out to be pleasant because I haven’t seen the aunt since the wedding, and of course, we have been busy since.

We finished our delicious meal and headed down to the hospital and see our uncle who isn’t well by far.

He was in the ICU, which was serious business when I worked in a hospital. He looked like a normal patient with some monitors and tube into his arms. I tried not to pay attention to any bags with bodily functions to keep my dinner down. He was sleep and we accidentally woke him up. I was the first to speak.

“Hey, are you up?”

He rolled his eyes to respond. “I was resting for a bit. This is the first time I got some sleep in two weeks. I’m just tired”, he said in his regular voice joined by a few whispers going in and out. I understand tired and I also understand foreshadowing. That statement sounded like both.

We noticed he was bleeding heavily from one of his lines in his shoulders. He thought he was sweating and wasn’t pleased about not being patched up. We had a nurse on staff that probably had a bad night and threw some attitude. Everyone knows grieving family members and witch nurse isn’t a good combo. We all had to sit in the waiting room for him to get patched, thinking of the worst that was knocking on our conscience’s door. By the time he was changed he went back to sleep. We decided to go home while worrying to no end.

Saturday came and as we tried to enjoy our own company but only thought about the one that may not be here for the next holiday or celebration.

Sunday, my wife and I got out of bed at the usual, after 12:00 p.m. She gets a phone call that gets her out of bed immediately. Uncle’s liver is failing. My wife runs down to the hospital while I try to get things prepared for the week. Then, I get a call from my wife. He’s not going to make it and the doctors suggest the family says their goodbyes before it is too late.

I head down there to park the car and head to the floor where everyone is in pieces. I happened to get to my wife in time for her to have her worst moment. I was also able to embrace my mother-in-law in a tri-hug. It was what you would want in a time like that. Hours later the chaplain came and we prayed together. My wife’s other uncle prayed with his brother for the last time in the Islamic tradition. I admire him holding back and making sure he read every word to make everything proper.

We said our goodbyes and everyone grieved in the room, except for myself that was the support for everyone. They turned off the machines and we waited for him to stop breathing. As more family came in, we decided to leave because of our hungry dog and I had to work in the morning. Monday, when I showed up for work I received the text from my wife informing that he gave his last breath around 4:00 a.m.

Although my wife is pregnant, she is stronger than what most will give her credit for. Everyone was worried about her and baby’s health with the loss of a family member. I knew she would be fine but I needed to make sure I could help out as much as possible.

By Thursday evening, I was giving Friday off and I made a trip over to the in-laws and help clean for all the attention the house was going to get. I was tired by the night and knew it was the tip of the iceberg. Friday became worse when the family started to pile in. We showed up early to get more things accomplished and I made the mistake of promising to pick up my niece and drop her off at my father’s house. It was out of the way but I needed to check in on my dog.

By the time I got to my father’s house there was a plate of piping hot chicken waiting for me to devour. I knew there was more food at the in-laws but could not resist a taste of the past. Already full I was told to book it back over to in-laws to greet everyone. We did what we had to and headed back home to prepare for the main event.

Saturday we agreed to pick up donuts and I held my end of the bargain, a dozen of a local favorite and a dozen of Krispy Kreme. I got returned to pack the car and we showed up 30 minutes before the limo came to pick “us” up. I didn’t know I was in the limo but there was a reason. I also found out that someone else bought donuts and ours was not needed. (insert angry thoughts)

At the funeral my wife started to get sick. The pastor’s wife gave us saltines and lemon-lime soda just in case. The ushers weren’t pleased but…It’s not their loved one in the casket. Other than the preacher hinting the fact that Uncle was gone the service was nice until the final viewing. It was so intense I caught my mother-in-law before she hit the floor and assisted her until the end. The other uncle was supposed to be a pallbearer but he handed the responsibility over to me. I did what was needed all the way until we got back to the house.

The whole morning, I only had two cups of coffee. It was weird because I eat lot and it scared my wife and mother because they thought I needed to go into the ER. There was something missing after all that I had done and all the support I had given to my family.

I needed a drink.

An hour after everyone came to the house. I decided to get a drink, thinking I could get a good nap in. After one full cup of whatever it was, the Beast returned.

Plate after plate was made with each plate followed with a mixed or stiff drink. I don’t usually drink often but when I need a drink, I NEED A DAMN DRINK.

I was then satisfied because I got what I needed after taking care of everyone else. My grieving started but in a positive way.

The man that we lost was no one new to me. I’ve known him for 8 years. In that time I knew his routine when coming to his sister and brother’s house. If he came in the morning, he would walk in the kitchen and make a pot of strong coffee if it wasn’t already made. He left the coffee stained spoon in the sugar bowl and drank it at the table. He would drop of the mail and then say hello to everyone in the house. I guess, it was he way of checking in his family. If he came in any other time of the day, he would say hello and then go off in the kitchen to see if he could make a dinner plate. He claimed his wife couldn’t cook and figured he wanted to eat what felt like home.

My wife was finally able to make homemade dinner rolls, a family recipe and secret that went missing for 10 years. We knew that Uncle would enjoy them more than anyone because he was the oldest and tasted them more than any family member. He took his first bite and slowly ate it. His first response was, “I don’t taste the yeast.”

WTF? (you know what it means)

It was a hilarious moment and now it is our duties to pass on tradition to make sure we pay some tribute to yeast every year in his honor and memory.

It is the circle of life. The living is stuck in the middle sending off the sick and the fallen to rest. Other times we prepare for the life that is new and eager to face to new world with challenges we surpassed many moons ago.

My child is coming and many will not see it’s face to ensure that the circle is complete. Those people still remain as family when we tell stories of them and keep on tradition going from generation to generation.

I can only hope there will be a soul waiting to take my place when its my time to leave. Also, I hope my children’s children will rise to be magnificent, especially when involving yeast.

Week 10: Drunken Nights and Good Bites

So officially the baby weeks start on Saturday and this is where we start the post.

How much time do we have every week? Some people have lots of time while others wish there was 13:00 on the clock. My time is limited as a expecting father. There is so much to do with little time. I have told my wife that this weekend was going to be just us and the dog. I was so wrong.

My best friend calls me up and he finally get a day away from the fiancé and work. He wants to go out and I have just made a promise to my wife. It was problematic because in the last month or two we have been running every weekend. For young-old people this is running us down. But I told him yes just so he didn’t change plans.

I asked my wife about it and she approved but rolled her eyes knowing that we are like Pinky and the Brain getting out of their cage. With booze in me, I am clearly Pinky. But she needs a break sometimes and she decided to go with her mom to see a movie I wasn’t drooling over so it was all good. On the inside, I really wanted some us time but the show must go on.

We down to Soulard and find a great Irish pub across the street from the International Tap House. We eat some good grub to fuel up before we damage our “Sh*t Face” meter. When we arrive across the street we get a round of beers that is over 9%. “Brew-Cocky” was a name of one of them and yes, I believe it was a name spoof of bukkake. Trust me, that term won’t fly too much on my blog.

As the drinks are slammed by me, they are sipped by others. Half the reason was I was thirsty and the other half was because I wasn’t used to the taste and I wanted to get through the drink. The night went on and I did not beat my wife home. I was really buzzed and my wife was just waiting on me. Perhaps she thought we were going to spend to rest of the night. I hit the pillow and passed out.

The next morning after, it was hard to get myself together and discovered my predictions were right. She did wanted to spend some time together. I know that the next weekend was going to be the time when I keep my promise.

The rest of the week went by just fine and usual. My wife had a couple of sick days but fatigue is her biggest hurdle. She is looking for that day where the ladies tell her she is going to wake up with a burst of energy. By Thursday the job sent me home for Friday, which I won’t complain. Who wouldn’t want a Friday off? I was able to make an appointment for a dentist. I haven’t been in 9 years and I was expecting they were going to pull teeth.

On Friday I went to Florissant Family Dental. It was the best experience I ever had with my teeth. They got me in fast and I had a full look and X-ray done. I really went in because my gums were bleeding and I had a tooth in the front that was scaring me. It darkening at the gums and I needed some help. They performed a procedure that was more intense than a cleaning. So intense that my insurance only covers it once, ever. They do this only because you are never supposed to let your mouth get the that bad.

Pictures were taken before anything was done and I can see how bad things were. I have a wisdom tooth on my right side that grew parallel to the back molar. I caused me problems for years with eating popcorn getting stuck in a triangle-shaped gum reigon. Before getting the special clean, I talked to the doctor about my next visit. It seems during 9 years of dental exile, I have a couple of cavities and I need some other fillings refilled to avoid breakage. And I am getting that tooth pulled.

My cleaning only gave me a little discomfort as my new hygienist, Alicia, told me what she was doing and how to keep my mouth in shape until the next visit. I could finally feel my teeth from the inside. I felt so weird.

Hours after the dentist, my mother-in-law came over after we discover that my wife’s uncle was in the hospital from stomach pain. It sounded serious. We had plans to a Red Robin date but were joined by our Ma and Aunt. It was a good dinner but the visit to the doctor was eerie.

I saw my wife’s uncle in the ICU and he looked exhausted. It was more than losing a couple hours of sleep or a long day at work. He looked like he was ready for a long slumber. I asked him if he was sleep. He told me he hasn’t slept in 2 weeks. That would explain his fatigued look.

We didn’t stay long because we wanted him to get some rest. We went home thinking of the worse. I tried my best to comfort my wife but grief has set its course. I figured it wasn’t going to be a good outcome but everyone wants to hold on to positivity through the dark times.

Saturday was the day I was waiting for. We had a good breakfast and dinner followed by my wife’s peach cobbler. I mean, what more could a man ask for? We rented some redbox movies, one chick flick and a comedy. It was a great end to a pregnancy week and good way to start a new one. Sunday wasn’t what I expected it to be.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Week 9: The Wreckage

This week became hard real fast. It wasn’t something that I expected and I wish I saw coming.

Monday:

This day started my painful week when I had to attend required OSHAA training because I work in construction. I did not eat after I got off work because I didn’t pack enough. I figured I would be in and out of this class and dinner would be waiting.

Little did I know, the class was from 5:00 pm to 8:00 pm after working a physical job from 7:00 am to 3:30 pm. Calculations confirm I had been away from home for more than 14 hours including the hour I left to get to work. Half of dinner was prepare when my wife baked lovely baked n’ breaded turkey breast before she had to leave for a work related issue. So, I ended up missing her before she left. I baked some potatoes to complete the other half of dinner.

I think her turkey was the better half. BA-ZING!

She arrived home early and as we completed our usual nightly rituals, I ended up staying up to midnight because I fell for the one line my wife always gets me with: “You’re not gonna wait up for me?”

She is 9 weeks pregnant. Do you think I am going to tell her no? I may be ignorant but I’m not stupid.

Tuesday:

Maybe less than 5 hours of sleep I am back up and ready for some hard work at the construction site. By lunch the BIG boss come down and we go over some issues with other trades that are around us. Long story short, we have nothing to do until others complete their projects.

So what am I supposed to do in the mean time? The BIG boss orders the crew to go home for the rest of the week.

This is only Tuesday and I am no on salary. 16 hours never looks good on a pay- check. What is that gas money?

By hearing this news, I decided to forfeit my weekly allowance to compensate for the lost money. Also, I save an additional $50 by not driving for the week so I get back half of what I lost. The best thing is that I get paid every week and we are doing fine on our finances so that a bump like this isn’t a catastrophe.

Wednesday:

I woke up late, which made up for lost sleep. But because I am not working doesn’t stop housework from being an obstacle.

At 5:00 pm I had to take another class to prep for a mandatory math test to get me into electrical training at the end of the summer. I dread going in and it was boring for the whole two hours. The instructor barely knew the material and I already passed college algebra previously.

When I arrive at home my dog turns on the puppy time. I really think he was coo-coo for cocoa puffs. This would not be a problem if I hadn’t had a handful of other things hitting me at once. And for the first time during the pregnancy, I raised my voice and my wife had to hear it. I felt really terrible about it and, yet again, another restless night.

Thursday:

Finally I get to present you a great day. It’s daddy’s first visit to the doctor.

(YAYYY!!!)

After apologizing to my wife, she forgave me and we moved on unlike most arguments. We went to the doctor’s office and I ran into the typical doctor’s office. It was typical in the sense that it the room was filled with women.

Before anyone says anything, it was a women’s clinic. But seriously, how many men go to the doctor for a check –up instead of unbearable pain? I am guilty of it, hell, I haven’t been to the dentist in 9 years. YUK! I know…

Anyways, I sit there forever and find my archenemy, the person with a hands-free device in the waiting room. For the love of Justin Beiber, notice how you talk without putting something to your ear and you talk louder. Are you that insecure?

Finally, the doctor calls me in and brings me up to speed. First, she told my wife she HIV-negative (always glad to hear that). Her blood pressure was ok and she lost some weight, due to morning sickness. But we now know that she has the sickle cell trait, a mystery she and her mother discussed for years.

I was questioned about my family history and sickle cell is not a common topic among mine and because I don’t know, I am required to make a doctor’s appointment to find out. Now I have no other choice but to make a trip to the doctor. We also was asked about testing for an extra chromosome. This means that in any pregnancy, the egg or sperm could have latched on an extra chromosome and would be problems during pregnancy. The jury is still out on that.

Friday:

It was a FRY-Day. My wife and I had a small fish fry to give a farewell to dear friend, Shannon. She is the very friend you need in life to let you know that being different and standing out can be totally awesome. It’s a lot different than shaving one side of your head or wearing a parka in August. She has no problem being interested in anything, but kids. And as good friends, my wife and I did it for her. I LOVE SHANNON. By the way there will be a Women’s women post soon of all of the women who in inspire me to be a real man. Saturday will be on the next post.

Peace and quiet.

To my unborn child....

Dear Unborn Child,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you unconditionally and that will never change. Your mother loves you just as much, maybe more, and she is doing so much for you. You have become my number one concern in life, which I am grateful to you because in a short period of time you have made me mature to become a better man.

Mom is in a great deal of pain and she barely eats. We used to enjoy a complete breakfast, like in the cereal commercial, but now she can barely digest a part of a turkey bacon sandwich. What’s going on in there? I know you’re only eight weeks so far, but you’re my child. I should be taking her to Texas Roadhouse because she is feeding you. It would be nice if you can continue my eating legacy.

You are starting to hurt mommy’s back so I had to but this special pillow that looks like a gigantic version of you. It has a big pillow at the top, like a head and had a spine that contours down her back. It pillow ends with a coiled tail that mommy can put between her knees. Books and other sources are telling her that the pain is getting worse. It’s not your fault because you’re growing. Just in the future, try your best to not hurt mommy as much as you can, okay?

Your Grand dad, which it my dad, is hoping that you are a boy. He’s funny isn’t he? Daddy expects that you will continue the tradition a be a girl, just to rattle his cage. Yes, you will.

Everyone cannot wait to see just as much as they want to see us as parents. I would hope to be a kind, sympathetic Huxtable type of dad that would always be there for you in good times while putting you on the right path during the bad. We are always born for a reason and I believe you will be put on this Earth to inspire and motivate people to chase their dreams. I think you will be what this world needs for us to become peaceful with each other instead of destroying our fellow man.

I have high hopes of my own but I expect you to have yours. I believe that you will follow the path that is right for you. Until then, it is my destiny to make sure you get here and protect you until you can make those decisions. I love you unborn child and I will talk to you soon.

Love,

Your old man

March Madness Week 8

I am very personal when it involves my sex life like a lot of people in the world. It protects any insecurity that my partner has and, frankly, it is no one’s business what goes behind my closed doors. This blog post steps over this line I have always crossed with myself with others only to share my experience in the moment of my adventure of becoming a new dad and being a supportive husband.

I can assure you that there will be no graphic content but very little puns to describe what’s going on with me. I hope this will inform you as much as it will entertain.

As my life is changing, I am trying to hold on to what is normal and what makes sense. Unfortunately, there is little that is normal for me to hold onto.

As the hours of sleep are running down, it seems like I have more work on my hands to take care of. I find it difficult to keep track of things as my mind slips from me.

I have to find a way to get it together. I just noticed I was overdue for a haircut and my neckbeard itched like spider bites so I had to throw in the towel. How did I get here?

If my mind isn’t coming back my body is.

Intimacy is the source of how I got to expecting a baby and since knowing my wife was pregnant I have stayed away from it. Well, more on her terms but I wasn’t interested either. Now that my body has returned to normal, it wants to make up for lost time.

It doesn’t take long for this hot rod to get going. Actually, I go 0 to 60 in 5 seconds and the last couple of days it feels like my body has nitro in my veins. Even the scent of her perfume sends fire to chest as the pistons rev to the point of hearing sounds of a loud exhaust in my head.

I think women are oblivious to a man’s mental mojo, let alone the physical fight. It's not a bad thing, however, it's something that will always be. I think of myself as a high tolerance man when it comes to lustful temptations. But when has Superman ever resisted kryptonite?

One evening this week, my wife was getting ready for bed while I was sitting up watching Netflix, the typical end to an evening. What she doesn’t know is that anytime she is in her birthday suit I have this overwhelming appreciation for life and for her. Her curves are the sexiest in the world. Hands down.

Her bras are getting smaller to hold up “the sistas” and I can only assume they're getting smothered. She walks over to me naked and I panic because I know my body can’t take this.

Her: “Take a look at my boobs. I think I have a line on them from the bra and it hurts. Do you think the lines will stay?”

I try to barely look from my peripherals but I have this feeling that I’m brushing her off.

Me: “No. You’re gonna be fine.”

Her: “No, seriously touch it.”

Damn.

For a woman, you may think this totally normal and all she wants is for her partner to examine a place that she cannot see. For men, this sounds like the beginning scene for an adult movie.

Sorry guys, this is far from that.

Anyways, I take a look and examine in my best medical doctor performance ever. So, I give her the green light and she takes a shower. Just as she walks away the tree has grown full length.

I hope you got it.

I think this is horrible for men and this can really drive us crazy. For expectant dads we are stressed, tired, overworked and most of us just want some sort of release. Expectant moms, I think, begin their protective instincts during pregnancy. Therefore, asking them for a “quicky” is a quick way to get stabbed because if being in the mood is in America, the key is in Iran. Good luck winning that war.

The “men” that I mention are the good, faithful, supportive men that has the battle of everything against them. This is a more physical and hormonal change for women but we have to adjust to their needs as well.

Even worse, if you had enough and its time to put your hot rod in manual to ride solo but she won’t let you out of her sight. She is constantly asking why the bathroom door are being locked all of the sudden. The answer is you got a full tank of gas and you want to put the petal to the metal.

I hope this week informs women as much as the men can read a post and understand the ramblings of an expectant dad.

Guys, whenever you get a chance, enjoy the open road.

Real Men Can Learn From Mary Poppins

Hey MEN, have you watch Mary Poppins lately? It's the movie where a British nanny comes from out of nowhere and discipline the children while their father, Mr. Banks, leaves for work and usually comes back home and doesn't lift a finger.

Although I cannot see you, I'm pretty sure you are Mr. Banks. Yes, you.

You come home from work, you want a hot meal and you put your kids on someone else's plate and expect that person to digest what you served them. Now, I believe most children are great people but they all need to know their responsibilities and roles in the house. But, this also includes dads and husbands as well.

One day you will come home and that person you depended on (mother, wife, girlfriend, nanny) will not be there. The kids are tearing up the house and there isn't even a bologna sandwich waiting for you. What do you do?

First, grab a broom, mop, bucket, cleaner and a sponge because it is time to clean house. If a man can do anything, he can certainly clean a house. Why wait for your wife to do it? You don't need your mamma. You need to put in some work and stop being lazy.

If you are single then you have to clean after yourself. There is no way getting over that. There is no single woman that is thinking, "I would love a dirty man. Nothing turns me on more than old pizza boxes and a sink full or dirty dishes."

Husbands, we are running out of time. Women are beginning to make more than men in the workforce and we should be doing all that we can to make sure the woman in our lives aren't getting board of us.

A decent man told me, "Women treat men like cars. Make sure you're running good or else they will trade you in for a new one." If this is true I hope I have a Power Train warranty and 56 miles per gallon.

If you are not cleaning by now, you have to start. It is extremely important for our future. One thing a woman likes is a man who can take care of himself. If he can't take care of himself, why should she believe she will be taken care of?

If you are a guy who needs some help getting started, watch Hoarders. Once you see an episode it will turn you into a "oh-hell-no-not-me" attitude.

Finally, take care of your kids. There are so many stories and cases where daddy wasn't around or abused their kids verbally, mentally or physically (if he stayed). I'm not asking you to be their best friend but why can't you pay attention to them?

As my kid free days are closing in, I only dream of the day I come home to see how my child or children has evolved by life's natural lessons. Also, what life doesn't teach them it will be my responsibility to guide them.

At the end of the movie Mr. Banks hangs his head low as he dismissed his kids and ended up embarrassing himself in the process. Don't become Mr. Banks, guys. It will make you sick to your stomach when the kids are all gone and they despise you.

Because we can always change, Mary can help your illness. Remember, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

March Madness Week 7

Week 7 has been lighter than 6. Thank God.

Having said that, this week was all about the pain and fatigue becoming dominant in the household.

I need to be selfish real quick because I have had a bad time at work lately. If you have been reading I the past, I became a pre-apprentice electrician. This job requires intense labor and energy that will leave you drained by the time you go home. On top of this, racial profiling is strong in this profession and most workers are up front about it. More on this story will continue in another post.

Anyway, I decided to use my YMCA membership and shed some pounds and I have lost 10 pounds since I started working. Wednesday, someone decided to change the blue prints and I had to do grunt work by breaking ground with a sledge hammer.

As the hammer brought destruction to the floor, the hammer brought pain to my hands. Others have told me to leave the wedding ring at home. I paid a painful price as the hammer pinched my wedding finger leaving me with intense blisters.

Now, for my wife, the back thigh and butt was painful because the uterus stretches during pregnancy. During this week, she regained some of her appetite but broth and crackers remain most of her diet. I feel better about it.

For some time, her job working at home has kept her working past midnight and the weekends are an opportunity for her to catch up. As a friend and husband I am not happy with this because when she gets a minute I have to stop and spend time with her. As a video gamer, it has been a uphill battle trying to find my inner peace with my video games. I truly suffer for my family.

Because she has been glued to her work computer, I am putting a foot down and suggesting that she finds another job where she has a more stable schedule. I not a fan of the management anyway, and I feel her job will get more difficult and never get easier.

On the lighter side, I ended the week by eating some delicious fish tacos from a local eatery, De-lish. Also, I watched the Hunger Games and I am a true fan of the series now. I am now working on buying the whole series soon.

Now that week 8 is around the corner, I am ready for some new B.S. coming my way.

March Madness Week 6

If you were waiting to read what has been going on with the pregnancy there is a reason why I have not delivered. That reason is the fact that I had absolutely NO TIME at all.

Week 6 had to be one of the most energy draining weeks of my life. One night, my wife remained up passed 2 am in extreme pain. We were both freaking out, trying to figure out whether we go to the ER or just let the pain pass.

Later we discover it was intense trapped gas. In my mind, I really wanted to avoid a ER bill right now. I want to avoid ER visits until the birth but it’s too early to be in the clear.

My wife and I have been together for more than eight years and we had avoided hurling in front of others and ourselves. Ginger Ale and Sprite has dominated the house by keeping her nausea at bay. Although, keeping her in good health has been very difficult.

She has never been a big eater, but I was getting worried. At one point I thought she had a Twilight-Bella complex. Food wasn’t working so I was wondering if a blood transfusion was up for debate. Saltines and broth from soup became the gateway to her nutrition.

Most women know by week 6 there is no sign of a bump in the belly. But, the boobs got huge. Anytime breasts start pouring out of bras in front of men, we are programmed to stare, fantasize, and hope not to lose control.

Unfortunately, it did not do a thing to me.

My sex drive has gone from Fast and the Furious to Driving Miss Daisy. I have heard of guys having sympathy pain and I do not feel like I have any symptoms. I cannot feel turned on when my wife is going through so much pain and changes. There is a time for everything and right now she needs me for different reasons.

So far we have learned that when she is hungry she needs to eat right away. Most nights, I have taken the responsibility of cooking for us both but its has been like cooking for one-third of a person. Disappointing, yes, but we manage to get by.

What I can walk away from this week was the support and togetherness that we shared. Also, this means that she will be needing me and I need to stay by her side.

March Madness pt.2

Previously on March Madness…..

My wife greeted me when I came home from the store. I received a hug and at this point it felt like a hug that I was going to hear about a passing of a family member. For a split second, I had a “this-is-going-to-change-my-life” moment. She tells me she loves me and I look at her and return the feeling.

“I’m pregnant”, she says.

OK. Time to back up.

One week ago….

I’m laying in bed getting ready to pass out from my photography madness of a job. “I think I’m late.” My response, “What else is new?”

I know that sounds weird but my wife and I have had many, many slips with contraceptives and we miss the target with a flawless victory. Even before we were married, when a lot of people would judge about this sort of thing, we had the same issues so there was nothing to worry about. By the way, do I get a pass from the judgy people who frown on cohabitation now that I’m married?

Back to the story..

Just to ease our minds I say, “Well, go get a test just to get it out of the way. We always doge this bullet anyway.” My wife pauses for a minute. “What if this is for real this time?”

I wouldn’t call that foreshadowing, but if I was a betting man…..

Back to real time…..

To receive this information in my brain that my wife is pregnant felt like throwing a rock down a well and waiting to hear the thud… that you never hear. On top of all this I have the look on my face as if someone stole my car.

“Preganant?” It finally come out. She walks me to the bathroom and shows me these two lines that changed my life forever.

I mean… wow. I don’t believe it.

No. Really. I didn’t believe it. It was the Equate brand from Walmart and I really did not believe it. I wanted her to get the most advanced piece of technology…. She will ever pee on. Hey, it was from the commercial, not me.

We went to get it. And she followed the most accurate method to test. It featured a second digital test to confirm the non-believers of the results. 15 to 20 minutes later she come out of the bathroom with the digital stick.

The stick reads: YES+

Oh crap. We’re having a baby.

To be continued…..

March Madness pt. 1

February for me was one of the strangest month in my adult life. I was unemployed at the begging and my unemployment was not getting the bills paid. Although we were almost rubbing pennies together, we did purchase the latest Twilight move. The movie made the pre-Valentine’s weekend memorable for years to come.

Later on, I received a call for a position for a photography job. I was super-excited when I accepted the job offer. Although the job did not pay much, I figured I could learn some tricks and later on do freelance.

A week goes by and not only did I work weird hours, my promised compensation wasn’t so….promising.

Meanwhile, my father was pulling strings in construction and landed me an interview with a well-known electric company. It was a big deal because I can make about  $40,000 annually in a five-year span. After a thorough interview I got the job and I am now a “pre-apprentice Electric Contractor”

When I started a new job I took the responsibility of getting my own phone plan, a obstacle I’ve been struggling with since adulthood. Also, I wanted a career that would give my family an opportunity to be in a safe environment, no matter where the economy stands.

The madness starts…

This new job comes opportunity but delivers hatred and racism. I am bi-racial for those who do not know and I have heard a lot in my life. To work with people, who holds the responsibility in training people but resist change, is annoying beyond belief. But, I grin and bear those things because my future is in my hands and I cannot make any more mistakes.

To relax, I invited my mother and mother-in-law to my place to celebrate their birthdays. As we enjoy drinks and shared great memories, the night was perfect.

The next morning, I received a hug and a kiss from my beautiful wife. “I love you”, she says. “But there is something I have to tell you.”

To be continued……

Truthfully, I wouldn’t be into Valentine’s Day if it had not been for my wife, whom is a fan of holidays.

I always thought of this holiday as a way to rob the public of their savings for next Christmas. All jewelry is for sale but, realistically, what average consumer studies trends of the price of gold and diamonds? It was all a hoax as far as I am concerned until she gave me a reason to cook a woman her favorite lasagna and snuggle up to quirky-teenage vampire romance movies.

Because I truly love my wife, any man who may call me a “wuss” or “chump” has made a terrible mistake of identifying the wrong person.

Somewhere in America on Valentine’s Day, a woman will be at home waiting for her rose or just a simple hug from the man of her dreams. That’s not what she will come receive, even though she is not single.

At 5:37 pm, he comes through the door tired or, in some cases, a smile on his face with nothing in his possession. Although she has been at work also, she had to witness floral arrangements and love notes delivered all day without getting a single candy heart.

She sits on the couch waiting for the best moment of the day but all she hears is silence from the kitchen.

She enters the kitchen to check on her man and then she blacks out.

…………………………

Everything is blurry when she wakes up and only one eye is functional.

The left side of her face is numb and she has the worst headache in the world. As the blurs begin to sharpen, she sees him pacing in a rage as he yells, cursing non-stop. Then, a familiar question comes out of his mouth.

“Do you think I like hitting you?”, he says.

“My steak isn’t cooked and not even a baked potato?!?”

He mounts her and continues to beat her as she screams for mercy all night.
This is probably the worst thing to read around this time of year, I know. Unfortunately, it happens all the time every year.

These are the real “chumps” and “wusses” who abuse their partners physically, emotionally and verbally. Domestic violence occurs more than anyone can imagine.

In 2009, Alec McNaughton and his wife Cathy celebrated their love for each other over breakfast during the Valentine’s Day weekend. All morning, they expressed their appreciation for each other in handwritten notes in those cards. They even exchanged chocolates.

According to the police, within hours, Alec stabbed Cathy at least 31 times and ending her life.

Love is a great thing but you cannot focus on loving someone (or claiming you do) if you do not love yourself. It takes courage and heat for a man to accept his rage.

My last blog was about rage and it may seem that I am a dark person. I don’t agree with that. I heard someone tell a vampire in a movie, “The truth is harder to consume than sunlight”. If that isn’t the truth...

Valentine’s Day is a day made for love. Send it to your mother or father, just to say you contributed. Buying stuff is for the rich and the irresponsible spenders. If you can have a good V-Day without hurting someone or spending money then you had it good.

Hurting someone should be easy but for men, its common to be a challenge. Show someone you love them by getting some help and admitting you have a problem. Saying sorry is a start but it cannot be validated without action in the right direction.

For the creativity part...well, I can’t give out all of my secrets. Comment on this and we can talk.

Be safe and take Valentine’s Day to spread joy like Christmas.