March Madness Week 8

I am very personal when it involves my sex life like a lot of people in the world. It protects any insecurity that my partner has and, frankly, it is no one’s business what goes behind my closed doors. This blog post steps over this line I have always crossed with myself with others only to share my experience in the moment of my adventure of becoming a new dad and being a supportive husband.

I can assure you that there will be no graphic content but very little puns to describe what’s going on with me. I hope this will inform you as much as it will entertain.

As my life is changing, I am trying to hold on to what is normal and what makes sense. Unfortunately, there is little that is normal for me to hold onto.

As the hours of sleep are running down, it seems like I have more work on my hands to take care of. I find it difficult to keep track of things as my mind slips from me.

I have to find a way to get it together. I just noticed I was overdue for a haircut and my neckbeard itched like spider bites so I had to throw in the towel. How did I get here?

If my mind isn’t coming back my body is.

Intimacy is the source of how I got to expecting a baby and since knowing my wife was pregnant I have stayed away from it. Well, more on her terms but I wasn’t interested either. Now that my body has returned to normal, it wants to make up for lost time.

It doesn’t take long for this hot rod to get going. Actually, I go 0 to 60 in 5 seconds and the last couple of days it feels like my body has nitro in my veins. Even the scent of her perfume sends fire to chest as the pistons rev to the point of hearing sounds of a loud exhaust in my head.

I think women are oblivious to a man’s mental mojo, let alone the physical fight. It's not a bad thing, however, it's something that will always be. I think of myself as a high tolerance man when it comes to lustful temptations. But when has Superman ever resisted kryptonite?

One evening this week, my wife was getting ready for bed while I was sitting up watching Netflix, the typical end to an evening. What she doesn’t know is that anytime she is in her birthday suit I have this overwhelming appreciation for life and for her. Her curves are the sexiest in the world. Hands down.

Her bras are getting smaller to hold up “the sistas” and I can only assume they're getting smothered. She walks over to me naked and I panic because I know my body can’t take this.

Her: “Take a look at my boobs. I think I have a line on them from the bra and it hurts. Do you think the lines will stay?”

I try to barely look from my peripherals but I have this feeling that I’m brushing her off.

Me: “No. You’re gonna be fine.”

Her: “No, seriously touch it.”

Damn.

For a woman, you may think this totally normal and all she wants is for her partner to examine a place that she cannot see. For men, this sounds like the beginning scene for an adult movie.

Sorry guys, this is far from that.

Anyways, I take a look and examine in my best medical doctor performance ever. So, I give her the green light and she takes a shower. Just as she walks away the tree has grown full length.

I hope you got it.

I think this is horrible for men and this can really drive us crazy. For expectant dads we are stressed, tired, overworked and most of us just want some sort of release. Expectant moms, I think, begin their protective instincts during pregnancy. Therefore, asking them for a “quicky” is a quick way to get stabbed because if being in the mood is in America, the key is in Iran. Good luck winning that war.

The “men” that I mention are the good, faithful, supportive men that has the battle of everything against them. This is a more physical and hormonal change for women but we have to adjust to their needs as well.

Even worse, if you had enough and its time to put your hot rod in manual to ride solo but she won’t let you out of her sight. She is constantly asking why the bathroom door are being locked all of the sudden. The answer is you got a full tank of gas and you want to put the petal to the metal.

I hope this week informs women as much as the men can read a post and understand the ramblings of an expectant dad.

Guys, whenever you get a chance, enjoy the open road.