Week 11: The Circle of Life

This is a long read but the length was needed. Losing someone is important as gaining a life.

This week was dark for my wife’s family, including myself. Losing an uncle can be an emotional hit-or-miss situation and this was a definite hit. Friday, I had came home from work and I already knew he was in the hospital. What I didn’t know was that the situation was serious. My ears turned on after I heard the word, “liver” and started to recalculate the odds in our favor. This didn’t look positive.

Before the surprising news, I promised my pregnant wife that we needed a date night. Our lives usually revolves around family and friends and we needed a break from everyone and have a Redbox weekend. We both are fairly new to the Red Robin experience so we decided to have a date night and share a basket of limitless steak fries, her favorite.

A change of plan came up as usual and the table for two doubled for my mother and aunt-in-laws who needed a break from the grave news of the hospital. It turned out to be pleasant because I haven’t seen the aunt since the wedding, and of course, we have been busy since.

We finished our delicious meal and headed down to the hospital and see our uncle who isn’t well by far.

He was in the ICU, which was serious business when I worked in a hospital. He looked like a normal patient with some monitors and tube into his arms. I tried not to pay attention to any bags with bodily functions to keep my dinner down. He was sleep and we accidentally woke him up. I was the first to speak.

“Hey, are you up?”

He rolled his eyes to respond. “I was resting for a bit. This is the first time I got some sleep in two weeks. I’m just tired”, he said in his regular voice joined by a few whispers going in and out. I understand tired and I also understand foreshadowing. That statement sounded like both.

We noticed he was bleeding heavily from one of his lines in his shoulders. He thought he was sweating and wasn’t pleased about not being patched up. We had a nurse on staff that probably had a bad night and threw some attitude. Everyone knows grieving family members and witch nurse isn’t a good combo. We all had to sit in the waiting room for him to get patched, thinking of the worst that was knocking on our conscience’s door. By the time he was changed he went back to sleep. We decided to go home while worrying to no end.

Saturday came and as we tried to enjoy our own company but only thought about the one that may not be here for the next holiday or celebration.

Sunday, my wife and I got out of bed at the usual, after 12:00 p.m. She gets a phone call that gets her out of bed immediately. Uncle’s liver is failing. My wife runs down to the hospital while I try to get things prepared for the week. Then, I get a call from my wife. He’s not going to make it and the doctors suggest the family says their goodbyes before it is too late.

I head down there to park the car and head to the floor where everyone is in pieces. I happened to get to my wife in time for her to have her worst moment. I was also able to embrace my mother-in-law in a tri-hug. It was what you would want in a time like that. Hours later the chaplain came and we prayed together. My wife’s other uncle prayed with his brother for the last time in the Islamic tradition. I admire him holding back and making sure he read every word to make everything proper.

We said our goodbyes and everyone grieved in the room, except for myself that was the support for everyone. They turned off the machines and we waited for him to stop breathing. As more family came in, we decided to leave because of our hungry dog and I had to work in the morning. Monday, when I showed up for work I received the text from my wife informing that he gave his last breath around 4:00 a.m.

Although my wife is pregnant, she is stronger than what most will give her credit for. Everyone was worried about her and baby’s health with the loss of a family member. I knew she would be fine but I needed to make sure I could help out as much as possible.

By Thursday evening, I was giving Friday off and I made a trip over to the in-laws and help clean for all the attention the house was going to get. I was tired by the night and knew it was the tip of the iceberg. Friday became worse when the family started to pile in. We showed up early to get more things accomplished and I made the mistake of promising to pick up my niece and drop her off at my father’s house. It was out of the way but I needed to check in on my dog.

By the time I got to my father’s house there was a plate of piping hot chicken waiting for me to devour. I knew there was more food at the in-laws but could not resist a taste of the past. Already full I was told to book it back over to in-laws to greet everyone. We did what we had to and headed back home to prepare for the main event.

Saturday we agreed to pick up donuts and I held my end of the bargain, a dozen of a local favorite and a dozen of Krispy Kreme. I got returned to pack the car and we showed up 30 minutes before the limo came to pick “us” up. I didn’t know I was in the limo but there was a reason. I also found out that someone else bought donuts and ours was not needed. (insert angry thoughts)

At the funeral my wife started to get sick. The pastor’s wife gave us saltines and lemon-lime soda just in case. The ushers weren’t pleased but…It’s not their loved one in the casket. Other than the preacher hinting the fact that Uncle was gone the service was nice until the final viewing. It was so intense I caught my mother-in-law before she hit the floor and assisted her until the end. The other uncle was supposed to be a pallbearer but he handed the responsibility over to me. I did what was needed all the way until we got back to the house.

The whole morning, I only had two cups of coffee. It was weird because I eat lot and it scared my wife and mother because they thought I needed to go into the ER. There was something missing after all that I had done and all the support I had given to my family.

I needed a drink.

An hour after everyone came to the house. I decided to get a drink, thinking I could get a good nap in. After one full cup of whatever it was, the Beast returned.

Plate after plate was made with each plate followed with a mixed or stiff drink. I don’t usually drink often but when I need a drink, I NEED A DAMN DRINK.

I was then satisfied because I got what I needed after taking care of everyone else. My grieving started but in a positive way.

The man that we lost was no one new to me. I’ve known him for 8 years. In that time I knew his routine when coming to his sister and brother’s house. If he came in the morning, he would walk in the kitchen and make a pot of strong coffee if it wasn’t already made. He left the coffee stained spoon in the sugar bowl and drank it at the table. He would drop of the mail and then say hello to everyone in the house. I guess, it was he way of checking in his family. If he came in any other time of the day, he would say hello and then go off in the kitchen to see if he could make a dinner plate. He claimed his wife couldn’t cook and figured he wanted to eat what felt like home.

My wife was finally able to make homemade dinner rolls, a family recipe and secret that went missing for 10 years. We knew that Uncle would enjoy them more than anyone because he was the oldest and tasted them more than any family member. He took his first bite and slowly ate it. His first response was, “I don’t taste the yeast.”

WTF? (you know what it means)

It was a hilarious moment and now it is our duties to pass on tradition to make sure we pay some tribute to yeast every year in his honor and memory.

It is the circle of life. The living is stuck in the middle sending off the sick and the fallen to rest. Other times we prepare for the life that is new and eager to face to new world with challenges we surpassed many moons ago.

My child is coming and many will not see it’s face to ensure that the circle is complete. Those people still remain as family when we tell stories of them and keep on tradition going from generation to generation.

I can only hope there will be a soul waiting to take my place when its my time to leave. Also, I hope my children’s children will rise to be magnificent, especially when involving yeast.