Week 11: The Circle of Life

This is a long read but the length was needed. Losing someone is important as gaining a life.

This week was dark for my wife’s family, including myself. Losing an uncle can be an emotional hit-or-miss situation and this was a definite hit. Friday, I had came home from work and I already knew he was in the hospital. What I didn’t know was that the situation was serious. My ears turned on after I heard the word, “liver” and started to recalculate the odds in our favor. This didn’t look positive.

Before the surprising news, I promised my pregnant wife that we needed a date night. Our lives usually revolves around family and friends and we needed a break from everyone and have a Redbox weekend. We both are fairly new to the Red Robin experience so we decided to have a date night and share a basket of limitless steak fries, her favorite.

A change of plan came up as usual and the table for two doubled for my mother and aunt-in-laws who needed a break from the grave news of the hospital. It turned out to be pleasant because I haven’t seen the aunt since the wedding, and of course, we have been busy since.

We finished our delicious meal and headed down to the hospital and see our uncle who isn’t well by far.

He was in the ICU, which was serious business when I worked in a hospital. He looked like a normal patient with some monitors and tube into his arms. I tried not to pay attention to any bags with bodily functions to keep my dinner down. He was sleep and we accidentally woke him up. I was the first to speak.

“Hey, are you up?”

He rolled his eyes to respond. “I was resting for a bit. This is the first time I got some sleep in two weeks. I’m just tired”, he said in his regular voice joined by a few whispers going in and out. I understand tired and I also understand foreshadowing. That statement sounded like both.

We noticed he was bleeding heavily from one of his lines in his shoulders. He thought he was sweating and wasn’t pleased about not being patched up. We had a nurse on staff that probably had a bad night and threw some attitude. Everyone knows grieving family members and witch nurse isn’t a good combo. We all had to sit in the waiting room for him to get patched, thinking of the worst that was knocking on our conscience’s door. By the time he was changed he went back to sleep. We decided to go home while worrying to no end.

Saturday came and as we tried to enjoy our own company but only thought about the one that may not be here for the next holiday or celebration.

Sunday, my wife and I got out of bed at the usual, after 12:00 p.m. She gets a phone call that gets her out of bed immediately. Uncle’s liver is failing. My wife runs down to the hospital while I try to get things prepared for the week. Then, I get a call from my wife. He’s not going to make it and the doctors suggest the family says their goodbyes before it is too late.

I head down there to park the car and head to the floor where everyone is in pieces. I happened to get to my wife in time for her to have her worst moment. I was also able to embrace my mother-in-law in a tri-hug. It was what you would want in a time like that. Hours later the chaplain came and we prayed together. My wife’s other uncle prayed with his brother for the last time in the Islamic tradition. I admire him holding back and making sure he read every word to make everything proper.

We said our goodbyes and everyone grieved in the room, except for myself that was the support for everyone. They turned off the machines and we waited for him to stop breathing. As more family came in, we decided to leave because of our hungry dog and I had to work in the morning. Monday, when I showed up for work I received the text from my wife informing that he gave his last breath around 4:00 a.m.

Although my wife is pregnant, she is stronger than what most will give her credit for. Everyone was worried about her and baby’s health with the loss of a family member. I knew she would be fine but I needed to make sure I could help out as much as possible.

By Thursday evening, I was giving Friday off and I made a trip over to the in-laws and help clean for all the attention the house was going to get. I was tired by the night and knew it was the tip of the iceberg. Friday became worse when the family started to pile in. We showed up early to get more things accomplished and I made the mistake of promising to pick up my niece and drop her off at my father’s house. It was out of the way but I needed to check in on my dog.

By the time I got to my father’s house there was a plate of piping hot chicken waiting for me to devour. I knew there was more food at the in-laws but could not resist a taste of the past. Already full I was told to book it back over to in-laws to greet everyone. We did what we had to and headed back home to prepare for the main event.

Saturday we agreed to pick up donuts and I held my end of the bargain, a dozen of a local favorite and a dozen of Krispy Kreme. I got returned to pack the car and we showed up 30 minutes before the limo came to pick “us” up. I didn’t know I was in the limo but there was a reason. I also found out that someone else bought donuts and ours was not needed. (insert angry thoughts)

At the funeral my wife started to get sick. The pastor’s wife gave us saltines and lemon-lime soda just in case. The ushers weren’t pleased but…It’s not their loved one in the casket. Other than the preacher hinting the fact that Uncle was gone the service was nice until the final viewing. It was so intense I caught my mother-in-law before she hit the floor and assisted her until the end. The other uncle was supposed to be a pallbearer but he handed the responsibility over to me. I did what was needed all the way until we got back to the house.

The whole morning, I only had two cups of coffee. It was weird because I eat lot and it scared my wife and mother because they thought I needed to go into the ER. There was something missing after all that I had done and all the support I had given to my family.

I needed a drink.

An hour after everyone came to the house. I decided to get a drink, thinking I could get a good nap in. After one full cup of whatever it was, the Beast returned.

Plate after plate was made with each plate followed with a mixed or stiff drink. I don’t usually drink often but when I need a drink, I NEED A DAMN DRINK.

I was then satisfied because I got what I needed after taking care of everyone else. My grieving started but in a positive way.

The man that we lost was no one new to me. I’ve known him for 8 years. In that time I knew his routine when coming to his sister and brother’s house. If he came in the morning, he would walk in the kitchen and make a pot of strong coffee if it wasn’t already made. He left the coffee stained spoon in the sugar bowl and drank it at the table. He would drop of the mail and then say hello to everyone in the house. I guess, it was he way of checking in his family. If he came in any other time of the day, he would say hello and then go off in the kitchen to see if he could make a dinner plate. He claimed his wife couldn’t cook and figured he wanted to eat what felt like home.

My wife was finally able to make homemade dinner rolls, a family recipe and secret that went missing for 10 years. We knew that Uncle would enjoy them more than anyone because he was the oldest and tasted them more than any family member. He took his first bite and slowly ate it. His first response was, “I don’t taste the yeast.”

WTF? (you know what it means)

It was a hilarious moment and now it is our duties to pass on tradition to make sure we pay some tribute to yeast every year in his honor and memory.

It is the circle of life. The living is stuck in the middle sending off the sick and the fallen to rest. Other times we prepare for the life that is new and eager to face to new world with challenges we surpassed many moons ago.

My child is coming and many will not see it’s face to ensure that the circle is complete. Those people still remain as family when we tell stories of them and keep on tradition going from generation to generation.

I can only hope there will be a soul waiting to take my place when its my time to leave. Also, I hope my children’s children will rise to be magnificent, especially when involving yeast.

Week 10: Drunken Nights and Good Bites

So officially the baby weeks start on Saturday and this is where we start the post.

How much time do we have every week? Some people have lots of time while others wish there was 13:00 on the clock. My time is limited as a expecting father. There is so much to do with little time. I have told my wife that this weekend was going to be just us and the dog. I was so wrong.

My best friend calls me up and he finally get a day away from the fiancé and work. He wants to go out and I have just made a promise to my wife. It was problematic because in the last month or two we have been running every weekend. For young-old people this is running us down. But I told him yes just so he didn’t change plans.

I asked my wife about it and she approved but rolled her eyes knowing that we are like Pinky and the Brain getting out of their cage. With booze in me, I am clearly Pinky. But she needs a break sometimes and she decided to go with her mom to see a movie I wasn’t drooling over so it was all good. On the inside, I really wanted some us time but the show must go on.

We down to Soulard and find a great Irish pub across the street from the International Tap House. We eat some good grub to fuel up before we damage our “Sh*t Face” meter. When we arrive across the street we get a round of beers that is over 9%. “Brew-Cocky” was a name of one of them and yes, I believe it was a name spoof of bukkake. Trust me, that term won’t fly too much on my blog.

As the drinks are slammed by me, they are sipped by others. Half the reason was I was thirsty and the other half was because I wasn’t used to the taste and I wanted to get through the drink. The night went on and I did not beat my wife home. I was really buzzed and my wife was just waiting on me. Perhaps she thought we were going to spend to rest of the night. I hit the pillow and passed out.

The next morning after, it was hard to get myself together and discovered my predictions were right. She did wanted to spend some time together. I know that the next weekend was going to be the time when I keep my promise.

The rest of the week went by just fine and usual. My wife had a couple of sick days but fatigue is her biggest hurdle. She is looking for that day where the ladies tell her she is going to wake up with a burst of energy. By Thursday the job sent me home for Friday, which I won’t complain. Who wouldn’t want a Friday off? I was able to make an appointment for a dentist. I haven’t been in 9 years and I was expecting they were going to pull teeth.

On Friday I went to Florissant Family Dental. It was the best experience I ever had with my teeth. They got me in fast and I had a full look and X-ray done. I really went in because my gums were bleeding and I had a tooth in the front that was scaring me. It darkening at the gums and I needed some help. They performed a procedure that was more intense than a cleaning. So intense that my insurance only covers it once, ever. They do this only because you are never supposed to let your mouth get the that bad.

Pictures were taken before anything was done and I can see how bad things were. I have a wisdom tooth on my right side that grew parallel to the back molar. I caused me problems for years with eating popcorn getting stuck in a triangle-shaped gum reigon. Before getting the special clean, I talked to the doctor about my next visit. It seems during 9 years of dental exile, I have a couple of cavities and I need some other fillings refilled to avoid breakage. And I am getting that tooth pulled.

My cleaning only gave me a little discomfort as my new hygienist, Alicia, told me what she was doing and how to keep my mouth in shape until the next visit. I could finally feel my teeth from the inside. I felt so weird.

Hours after the dentist, my mother-in-law came over after we discover that my wife’s uncle was in the hospital from stomach pain. It sounded serious. We had plans to a Red Robin date but were joined by our Ma and Aunt. It was a good dinner but the visit to the doctor was eerie.

I saw my wife’s uncle in the ICU and he looked exhausted. It was more than losing a couple hours of sleep or a long day at work. He looked like he was ready for a long slumber. I asked him if he was sleep. He told me he hasn’t slept in 2 weeks. That would explain his fatigued look.

We didn’t stay long because we wanted him to get some rest. We went home thinking of the worse. I tried my best to comfort my wife but grief has set its course. I figured it wasn’t going to be a good outcome but everyone wants to hold on to positivity through the dark times.

Saturday was the day I was waiting for. We had a good breakfast and dinner followed by my wife’s peach cobbler. I mean, what more could a man ask for? We rented some redbox movies, one chick flick and a comedy. It was a great end to a pregnancy week and good way to start a new one. Sunday wasn’t what I expected it to be.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Week 9: The Wreckage

This week became hard real fast. It wasn’t something that I expected and I wish I saw coming.

Monday:

This day started my painful week when I had to attend required OSHAA training because I work in construction. I did not eat after I got off work because I didn’t pack enough. I figured I would be in and out of this class and dinner would be waiting.

Little did I know, the class was from 5:00 pm to 8:00 pm after working a physical job from 7:00 am to 3:30 pm. Calculations confirm I had been away from home for more than 14 hours including the hour I left to get to work. Half of dinner was prepare when my wife baked lovely baked n’ breaded turkey breast before she had to leave for a work related issue. So, I ended up missing her before she left. I baked some potatoes to complete the other half of dinner.

I think her turkey was the better half. BA-ZING!

She arrived home early and as we completed our usual nightly rituals, I ended up staying up to midnight because I fell for the one line my wife always gets me with: “You’re not gonna wait up for me?”

She is 9 weeks pregnant. Do you think I am going to tell her no? I may be ignorant but I’m not stupid.

Tuesday:

Maybe less than 5 hours of sleep I am back up and ready for some hard work at the construction site. By lunch the BIG boss come down and we go over some issues with other trades that are around us. Long story short, we have nothing to do until others complete their projects.

So what am I supposed to do in the mean time? The BIG boss orders the crew to go home for the rest of the week.

This is only Tuesday and I am no on salary. 16 hours never looks good on a pay- check. What is that gas money?

By hearing this news, I decided to forfeit my weekly allowance to compensate for the lost money. Also, I save an additional $50 by not driving for the week so I get back half of what I lost. The best thing is that I get paid every week and we are doing fine on our finances so that a bump like this isn’t a catastrophe.

Wednesday:

I woke up late, which made up for lost sleep. But because I am not working doesn’t stop housework from being an obstacle.

At 5:00 pm I had to take another class to prep for a mandatory math test to get me into electrical training at the end of the summer. I dread going in and it was boring for the whole two hours. The instructor barely knew the material and I already passed college algebra previously.

When I arrive at home my dog turns on the puppy time. I really think he was coo-coo for cocoa puffs. This would not be a problem if I hadn’t had a handful of other things hitting me at once. And for the first time during the pregnancy, I raised my voice and my wife had to hear it. I felt really terrible about it and, yet again, another restless night.

Thursday:

Finally I get to present you a great day. It’s daddy’s first visit to the doctor.

(YAYYY!!!)

After apologizing to my wife, she forgave me and we moved on unlike most arguments. We went to the doctor’s office and I ran into the typical doctor’s office. It was typical in the sense that it the room was filled with women.

Before anyone says anything, it was a women’s clinic. But seriously, how many men go to the doctor for a check –up instead of unbearable pain? I am guilty of it, hell, I haven’t been to the dentist in 9 years. YUK! I know…

Anyways, I sit there forever and find my archenemy, the person with a hands-free device in the waiting room. For the love of Justin Beiber, notice how you talk without putting something to your ear and you talk louder. Are you that insecure?

Finally, the doctor calls me in and brings me up to speed. First, she told my wife she HIV-negative (always glad to hear that). Her blood pressure was ok and she lost some weight, due to morning sickness. But we now know that she has the sickle cell trait, a mystery she and her mother discussed for years.

I was questioned about my family history and sickle cell is not a common topic among mine and because I don’t know, I am required to make a doctor’s appointment to find out. Now I have no other choice but to make a trip to the doctor. We also was asked about testing for an extra chromosome. This means that in any pregnancy, the egg or sperm could have latched on an extra chromosome and would be problems during pregnancy. The jury is still out on that.

Friday:

It was a FRY-Day. My wife and I had a small fish fry to give a farewell to dear friend, Shannon. She is the very friend you need in life to let you know that being different and standing out can be totally awesome. It’s a lot different than shaving one side of your head or wearing a parka in August. She has no problem being interested in anything, but kids. And as good friends, my wife and I did it for her. I LOVE SHANNON. By the way there will be a Women’s women post soon of all of the women who in inspire me to be a real man. Saturday will be on the next post.

Peace and quiet.

To my unborn child....

Dear Unborn Child,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you unconditionally and that will never change. Your mother loves you just as much, maybe more, and she is doing so much for you. You have become my number one concern in life, which I am grateful to you because in a short period of time you have made me mature to become a better man.

Mom is in a great deal of pain and she barely eats. We used to enjoy a complete breakfast, like in the cereal commercial, but now she can barely digest a part of a turkey bacon sandwich. What’s going on in there? I know you’re only eight weeks so far, but you’re my child. I should be taking her to Texas Roadhouse because she is feeding you. It would be nice if you can continue my eating legacy.

You are starting to hurt mommy’s back so I had to but this special pillow that looks like a gigantic version of you. It has a big pillow at the top, like a head and had a spine that contours down her back. It pillow ends with a coiled tail that mommy can put between her knees. Books and other sources are telling her that the pain is getting worse. It’s not your fault because you’re growing. Just in the future, try your best to not hurt mommy as much as you can, okay?

Your Grand dad, which it my dad, is hoping that you are a boy. He’s funny isn’t he? Daddy expects that you will continue the tradition a be a girl, just to rattle his cage. Yes, you will.

Everyone cannot wait to see just as much as they want to see us as parents. I would hope to be a kind, sympathetic Huxtable type of dad that would always be there for you in good times while putting you on the right path during the bad. We are always born for a reason and I believe you will be put on this Earth to inspire and motivate people to chase their dreams. I think you will be what this world needs for us to become peaceful with each other instead of destroying our fellow man.

I have high hopes of my own but I expect you to have yours. I believe that you will follow the path that is right for you. Until then, it is my destiny to make sure you get here and protect you until you can make those decisions. I love you unborn child and I will talk to you soon.

Love,

Your old man

March Madness Week 8

I am very personal when it involves my sex life like a lot of people in the world. It protects any insecurity that my partner has and, frankly, it is no one’s business what goes behind my closed doors. This blog post steps over this line I have always crossed with myself with others only to share my experience in the moment of my adventure of becoming a new dad and being a supportive husband.

I can assure you that there will be no graphic content but very little puns to describe what’s going on with me. I hope this will inform you as much as it will entertain.

As my life is changing, I am trying to hold on to what is normal and what makes sense. Unfortunately, there is little that is normal for me to hold onto.

As the hours of sleep are running down, it seems like I have more work on my hands to take care of. I find it difficult to keep track of things as my mind slips from me.

I have to find a way to get it together. I just noticed I was overdue for a haircut and my neckbeard itched like spider bites so I had to throw in the towel. How did I get here?

If my mind isn’t coming back my body is.

Intimacy is the source of how I got to expecting a baby and since knowing my wife was pregnant I have stayed away from it. Well, more on her terms but I wasn’t interested either. Now that my body has returned to normal, it wants to make up for lost time.

It doesn’t take long for this hot rod to get going. Actually, I go 0 to 60 in 5 seconds and the last couple of days it feels like my body has nitro in my veins. Even the scent of her perfume sends fire to chest as the pistons rev to the point of hearing sounds of a loud exhaust in my head.

I think women are oblivious to a man’s mental mojo, let alone the physical fight. It's not a bad thing, however, it's something that will always be. I think of myself as a high tolerance man when it comes to lustful temptations. But when has Superman ever resisted kryptonite?

One evening this week, my wife was getting ready for bed while I was sitting up watching Netflix, the typical end to an evening. What she doesn’t know is that anytime she is in her birthday suit I have this overwhelming appreciation for life and for her. Her curves are the sexiest in the world. Hands down.

Her bras are getting smaller to hold up “the sistas” and I can only assume they're getting smothered. She walks over to me naked and I panic because I know my body can’t take this.

Her: “Take a look at my boobs. I think I have a line on them from the bra and it hurts. Do you think the lines will stay?”

I try to barely look from my peripherals but I have this feeling that I’m brushing her off.

Me: “No. You’re gonna be fine.”

Her: “No, seriously touch it.”

Damn.

For a woman, you may think this totally normal and all she wants is for her partner to examine a place that she cannot see. For men, this sounds like the beginning scene for an adult movie.

Sorry guys, this is far from that.

Anyways, I take a look and examine in my best medical doctor performance ever. So, I give her the green light and she takes a shower. Just as she walks away the tree has grown full length.

I hope you got it.

I think this is horrible for men and this can really drive us crazy. For expectant dads we are stressed, tired, overworked and most of us just want some sort of release. Expectant moms, I think, begin their protective instincts during pregnancy. Therefore, asking them for a “quicky” is a quick way to get stabbed because if being in the mood is in America, the key is in Iran. Good luck winning that war.

The “men” that I mention are the good, faithful, supportive men that has the battle of everything against them. This is a more physical and hormonal change for women but we have to adjust to their needs as well.

Even worse, if you had enough and its time to put your hot rod in manual to ride solo but she won’t let you out of her sight. She is constantly asking why the bathroom door are being locked all of the sudden. The answer is you got a full tank of gas and you want to put the petal to the metal.

I hope this week informs women as much as the men can read a post and understand the ramblings of an expectant dad.

Guys, whenever you get a chance, enjoy the open road.